Arranged Marriage to a Vampire...How Cliche. - Comments

This story is awesome!! upload again soon :)

I love this :3 please update soon lovely♥

Update soon!

I really hope Zoe is okay! Please let her get back to Zak! I really don't want anyone to take her away from him! Update soon!

I love it! Update soon!

UPDATEEEEEE D: I give you cookies! <3

More please

Update soon! I really want to know what questions she has for him! I love this story!

automatically* you have some spelling mistakes.

I love the new update! Please update more soon!

Update!?

This is really getting too good! I can't wait to read more next! Update soon!

I really hope there is more to the story! Keep writing!

I really hope there is more to the story! Keep writing!

I'm still here...I'm sorry! It's too bad that I have full reign over this little panel of the internet. You'll just have to deal with it >:D

You said: "
During dinner Zoe seemed like she was having a good time even though she had just met us.

She would laugh at some of my father’s jokes, oh, how I liked her laugh. It was so light and carefree.

Not really having an appetite I just moved my food around my plate, seeming like I had eating something."

Instead maybe: Describe how Zoe is having a good time. Use Dialogue and Description. As a reader I want to know what she considers as a good time, what jokes the father is using as well. Also Zak is admiring her, instead of him saying he is maybe you can describe that as well.

Zoe grinned as Dad pulled a mock grin.
"That's exactly how my dad smiles!"
"Well in college I would imitate him a lot, that's how we stayed friends for so long."
"You made fun of him." Her face contorted in mock horror and her eyes were bright.
"It was a mutual mockery." Dad chuckled and Zoe smiled.
Her smile was light and full of ease. I glanced at Mom and she twinkled.

"We are so glad you are comfortable with us Zoe, and who knew all Alec had to do was tell us some old jokes." Mom said.
"Old jokes?" Zoe said.
"Darling, these jokes are old, although we are pretty young of course." My mother flipped her hair over her shoulder. "But the jokes aren't nearly as funny without you here."
I turned from Mom to Zoe to see her blush and look down in her lap.

"Thank you M-mom" Zoe said and I grinned. I took a deep breath and sat back. My pasta was swirled to almost oblivion in my plate. How could I eat ordinary human morsels while my fiance was winning trophies in Settling into a Family across the table. True Olympian for sure.

Dad caught my eye across the table and glanced at my food. He chuckled again.
"You two go on up, we have had a long day." Dad said.
Mom took Zoe's hand and smiled.
"All these weddings preparation talks are a lot to take in. Go get some rest." Mom looked at me and smiled.

We went upstairs. She followed behind me up the wooden stairs and down the hall to our room. She glanced at me and her suitcases and I noticed she had hunched her shoulders a bit and was biting her lip. I escaped to the shower. She definitely needed a moment to herself.

She was buried under blankets when I came out. I threw my towel on my computer chair and rolled into bed.
"Goodnight Zoe." I breathed.

She turned slightly towards me. Like a twitch.

I closed my eyes and fell into dreams.

I'm still here...I'm sorry! It's too bad that I have full reign over this little panel of the internet. You'll just have to deal with it >:D

You said: "
During dinner Zoe seemed like she was having a good time even though she had just met us.

She would laugh at some of my father’s jokes, oh, how I liked her laugh. It was so light and carefree.

Not really having an appetite I just moved my food around my plate, seeming like I had eating something."

Instead maybe: Describe how Zoe is having a good time. Use Dialogue and Description. As a reader I want to know what she considers as a good time, what jokes the father is using as well. Also Zak is admiring her, instead of him saying he is maybe you can describe that as well.

Zoe grinned as Dad pulled a mock grin.
"That's exactly how my dad smiles!"
"Well in college I would imitate him a lot, that's how we stayed friends for so long."
"You made fun of him." Her face contorted in mock horror and her eyes were bright.
"It was a mutual mockery." Dad chuckled and Zoe smiled.
Her smile was light and full of ease. I glanced at Mom and she twinkled.

"We are so glad you are comfortable with us Zoe, and who knew all Alec had to do was tell us some old jokes." Mom said.
"Old jokes?" Zoe said.
"Darling, these jokes are old, although we are pretty young of course." My mother flipped her hair over her shoulder. "But the jokes aren't nearly as funny without you here."
I turned from Mom to Zoe to see her blush and look down in her lap.

"Thank you M-mom" Zoe said and I grinned. I took a deep breath and sat back. My pasta was swirled to almost oblivion in my plate. How could I eat ordinary human morsels while my fiance was winning trophies in Settling into a Family across the table. True Olympian for sure.

Dad caught my eye across the table and glanced at my food. He chuckled again.
"You two go on up, we have had a long day." Dad said.
Mom took Zoe's hand and smiled.
"All these weddings preparation talks are a lot to take in. Go get some rest." Mom looked at me and smiled.

We went upstairs. She followed behind me up the wooden stairs and down the hall to our room. She glanced at me and her suitcases and I noticed she had hunched her shoulders a bit and was biting her lip. I escaped to the shower. She definitely needed a moment to herself.

She was buried under blankets when I came out. I threw my towel on my computer chair and rolled into bed.
"Goodnight Zoe." I breathed.

She turned slightly towards me. Like a twitch.

I closed my eyes and fell into dreams.

You wrote:
"I looked up to the staircase when I heard someone walking down them. The person, who was walking down the stairs, was really tall, like Alec. His hair was almost as black as night and eyes like Roza’s. He was handsome, I would admit that.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs he came to me and grabbed my hand, and kissed the back of it. As he did this, I felt the rush of blood go into my cheeks.

He smiled and said"

Instead maybe:

I watched as a young man strolled down the beautiful wood stairs. His hair was black and his eyes matched Rosa's and he was tall like Alec. He came towards me and took my hand. He kissed it. I flushed staring down at my romanced hand. He grinned.

"Welcome to my home. I'm Zak. Would you like a tour?"

And of course at this point your readers would be nodding along- girl you take that tour!

lol good luck writing

I really think you need to edit this in: when Zoe is sitting in the car and the door flies open she should jump back a little, now that would let us know that it was unexpected, and you wouldn't even need to say the words. ;)
It's best to show that something is happening through description rather than writing it out.

The cat jumped at me.

is better than:

I was walking and suddenly a cat jumped at me. It was so unexpected!

The first one is better because, in writing, everything is unexpected and sudden. The reader is always there and descriptive words or actions will make them see for themselves what is going on. They don't want to be told something was unexpected, when they can tell just from the description that it was. A cat jumping at someone is a surprise and it will flow with the rest of your story if you describe what's going on before that.

It is a cliche idea, but you seem to be trying to get away from that. I can tell with the few details. I think you can do even better if you add more character traits other than music lover with one best friend and soon to be king who for some reason doesn't know how long his kingdom was enemies with Alistair.

There needs to be more conversation other than the typical: Honey you are out of here with our old friends son, you'll be fine kk bai.
And: Hey new daughter-in-law! I'm super young and pretty, sleep with my son in his room! Whoo hoo! No boundaries!

You can make it more unique I am sure of it! I hope that you can add more details and character traits that bring out uniqueness. I'm really looking forward to see where your story goes! All the best!

I really want Zoe to find out in the next chapter! He could bite her by accident! I really love this story! Please update soon!

I like it, another chapter would be great. A character page would be also, if you don't know how to make one feel free to ask :)