Oooh, interesting! I love how you added that "mute" attribute without exhausting it. As in, you didnt sit there explaining it for hours on end, rather, you left it for the readers' imagination.
I dislike the last paragraph though. I was all into the down-spiraling action only to have a mini-repitition shoved onto my mental desktop.
I wonder how you'll continue it from here. Good job on it though!
Your story is interesting, needs some work done... But I see it more as a one-shot. Unless you were to rewind to a time leading up to the shooting, maybe with the pov of the shooters
I dislike the last paragraph though. I was all into the down-spiraling action only to have a mini-repitition shoved onto my mental desktop.
I wonder how you'll continue it from here. Good job on it though!