A Better Man - Comments

Comment Swap.
I really like Harry Potter, but never really read any Harry Potter fan fictions. I think you are a good writer, but it's a bit hard for me to get into the story, I'm not sure what it is. I don't know if it's the short chapters or what? It's also hard for me to get into stories that don't have a really eye catching layout! I think the layout makes all the difference! :)

Hey, I don't really like this story. Not that it's bad or anythung, but, it's hard for me to understand since I don't know any french. Plus the chapters a really short for my likings. So, it's not bad, but it's not my style. By.

Comment Swap.
I've read all the Harry Potter books but for some reason I've never been much to read HP fanfic. Though I will say this kept me on the edge of my seat at times and kept me wanting to read more. You had a very unique idea and you went with it and carried out writing it very well. Some advice that comes to mind is look for spelling errors after you finish writing a chapter and maybe spend a wee bit more time on your layout to make it more eye catching. All around it was very good C:

Comment Swap:
This is a very stunning story, I have to say. I don't normally read Harry Potter fanfiction, despite my love for Harry Potter and everything related, but this was so intriguing and couldn't stop reading it whenever I had time. You did an amazing job at spacing out time throughout the story and developing Aurore and Severus. It was impossible not to feel emotionally attached to the two of them and any time they had an argument, I was ready to yell at the computer screen for the two of them to stop being silly! You also have very few errors which makes it very easy to read. One of the things I really love that you did is keeping the chapters smaller. Sometimes when chapters are longer and everything is dragged out, people get lost or disinterested so you did a very good job with that aspect. I also feel like you did really great with keeping along with the books while also not jumping so much into the Harry Potter plotline so your story still had its own life to it. I’m totally going to go read the sequel now and once more, you did a fantastic job and this is a fantastic story.

Comment swap :D
So first of all I love how you write in little installments. I think it works really well and gives it a good kind of pace and I haven't seen that before but it makes it a really manageable read. I liked the way you described her coming to hogwarts, with enough detail but also in a reflective kind of emotional way too. I would have liked a slightly slower pace though and more time to develop the details of her trip, because it all seems to happen quite suddenly. I love the way you build up the tension between her and severus though, and OMG when Remus and her kissed for the first time it was so well written and unexpected! I loved it! I thought the conversation between Dumbledore and Severus was great because it really started to develop the emotionally intelligent side of severus I wasn't sure existed, so I am glad you elucidated on that. It makes him more of a 3D character, I think. What I also like about this story is that you don’t spend too much time going over Harry and co and making them key characters, you just us them to help the story along which I think is admirable. I am racing through the last couple of chapters to get too the end!!

i love the way you write. you can give every character a voice the dont all ocme out as if the writer 9 you) is saying them ya know? and i think you really have a good feel for the jk rowling style even the name of your characters just fits into the harry potter universe as if it had always been there. its such a bummer knowing htere will never be another book but at least i can read your story ( im only a couple chapters in) to fill the harry potter void!

Comment swap!
AHHHHHH HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER! Okay so I am obviously a fan of the books and the films! However, I have never read a fanfic about it though, so I was skeptical. I was pleasantly surprised! Although I did not read all of it, what I did read was very good. From what I did read, I didn't see any grammar mistakes and the plot was very good as well. It was actually so interesting I may go read the first one! Well, good luck to you on your writing journey and keep up the good work!

From Comment Swap :-)

So happy I got a HP story haha! I have been finding it hard to find decent ones... and this one has caught my eye.

The layout is different... the picture is definitely a love on the background, obviously taken from the last film when the whole war goes on.

(I usually only read the first chapter but since the first two are so short I'm reading three.)

Story: I'm not a fan of the first chapter being so short. If anything that letter could have been the summary. I would have been very interesting I think :-)

The second chapter was too short to describe anything. I don't even know what Aurore looks like... The area around her had no description either... Was she outside? In the school? What was the school like? Like Hogwarts or more modern? Nothing was clearly explained.

Chapter Three: I wouldn't recommend starting off a chapter with 'She'... She could be anybody for someone that's starting off a new story... could be the cats mother so to speak. O'clock should be spelt as so. I wouldn't repeat with the yellowish skin as well as sallow generally means '(of a person's complexion) Of an unhealthy yellowish color.' So it doesn't work very well and soudns like you are repeating yourself.

I add... description... even though most of us know what Hogwarts looks like description means a lot... you could explain how Aurore feels? I've not noticed any emotions be portrayed so I have no idea how Aurore feels and what she thinks about the current situation.

But I'm not gonna fault the idea of the story. It's a good idea. I'm just noticing too much at the start of the story...

Apparently comment swap didn't like my previous comment, so I'm just going to post it again, if that's alright.

So Comment Swap led me here.
I think your plot is strong, but a little predictable at times. But in saying that, you certainly made the most of it, you have a lot of chapters. I like your style of writing and I think you've written your story very well. I'm not a fan of Harry Potter, so I suppose I didn't enjoy it quite as much as most of the other readers, but I did like this. Your grammar is good, and I can't find mistakes spelling wise, So that's awesome, it makes the story flow very well. I did find some pats confusing, it isn't easy to read and fully understand everything if you're not a fan of HP, so maybe you could work on that in the future.

I just started on the 3rd chapter and already I'm intrigued: why is she leaving France? What is going on here? So, perfect. :) I especially like how you started off with a letter from Professor Dubois. It gives a little personal touch to the story. So nice, and I can't wait to keep on reading.

@ Marilyn Manson.
To be honest, I have no idea how you didn't know it was a Harry Potter fanfiction, even people who don't like the series can recognize the words 'Hogwarts' or 'Dumbledore'. I realize you're from comment swap and you've never read the series but you're doing the author of this story a great unjustice by not giving some constructive criticism.

I, the wonderful Marilyn Manson., am also from Comment Swap.

At first I didn't realize this was a Harry Potter fanfiction... I got a few chapters in, and what I can say is I'm just so confused. I have no idea what to make f the first chapter, I'm just lost on the second, and after that I'm still trying to figure out who anyone is and whats going on... I don't know, I'm not a Harry Potter fan,so I guess I can't appreciate it like someone who does like Harry Potter...

From comment swap.
I've only read the first couple of chapters, and it's so clear that I'm going to be finishing this. Your descriptions are wonderful, and they really pull the writer in. Even though seeing 99 chapters is a little daunting, I'm up to it.
Maybe after this I'll even read the sequel!

I love this, the descriptions throughout were just strong and resonant, and there was some lovely character development, as there always should be. I'll be subscribing to the sequel to see what happens next!

I loved this story, it was brilliant, there were a few issues but they were easily ignored considering how great this was.
I'm definitely going to be reading the sequel.

I liked this story very much. A couple parts I found confusing, but i can't remember what they are now, since it took me a couple days to read the whole thing...but I will most likely be subscribing to the sequel. Can't wait to start reading it. Other than that, keep up the good work with your writings.

Is this seriously ending soon? That is going to be so weird.. Like.. Freakishly weird.. But I guess I'll live.. Maybe xD .....I forgot what I wanted to write in this... Fu..ck... Good chapter!

I hope your holidays were fab as well.. Mine was spend relaxing after a major paper so I'm playing catch up on Mibba... And I can't remember what I wanted to write in this. So yeah.. Sorry about that. Good story

Hi, I'm from the comment swap thinger.
I'm not the biggest Harry Potter fan out there, but I would say that this story seems awesome so far even though I am only on chapter ten. I will definitely keep reading though! (Even though ninety-some chapters is a lot to catch up on)
Keep up the good work!