Brightside - Comments

I definitely think this would be an excellent story, but it also works so well as one-shot. It leaves you wanting to read more, that's for sure.

I like the layout. It is simple and doesn't hurt the eyes. The font you used was perfect too. Also, I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors. I know that I tend to make some when I'm writing. Spell check doesn't always catch them either. You must read and reread your stories before you post them to be sure that you don't have any extra errors.

Your story is pretty much amazing! I felt as though I was in English class reading it. You are extremely talented. If you make this into a full out story, it will truly be amazing.

I don't think I would've been able to come up with a story that turned out this amazing! Haha!

Your story just amazes me. It flows together nicely and explains the relationship between the two characters how the main character would like it and how it actually is.

I hate reading stories that have a ton of grammar and spelling errors. I'm glad that you have such proper and amazing writing. Keep up the good work!

Not sure what happened to my original comment so:

I like how the layout is nice and simple, as well as the title.

I think that it would be interesting if you extended this into a story.

This is such a short work that there's not much to give a critique on; also, you must have edited this because there were no grammatical errors (that I could spot). Usually I give very long and elabroate critiques on the grammar, spelling, and that kind of thing, but, as I said, I really can't. That means that you did a good job, then.

I like how you described his--Tom's?--thoughts.

Your writing flows very nicely and I especially love the beginnings and endings of the paragraphs, and also the very first and the very last sentences. As I've said, there's not really much to critique, and it's obvious that you've edited this.

His secret was not an attraction...

His relationship was not a love...

Those are just two of my favorites.

FIRST COMMENT!

I like how the layout is nice and simple, as well as the title.

I think that it would be interesting if you extended this into a story.

This is such a short work that there's not much to give a critique on; also, you must have edited this because there were no grammatical errors (that I could spot). Usually I give very long and elabroate critiques on the grammar, spelling, and that kind of thing, but, as I said, I really can't. That means that you did a good job, then.

I like how you described his--Tom's?--thoughts.

Your writing flows very nicely and I especially love the beginnings and endings of the paragraphs:

His secret was not an attraction...

His relationship was not a love...

I also like the very first and the very last sentences. Sorry about my poor comment; as I've said, it's obvious that you've edited this and there's much there to comment on.