A Chuisle mo Chroi - Comments

Ok. First things first; NIALL IS MY FAVOURITE SO THAT MAKES THIS JUST PLAIN WIN.

I mean, his eyes are so flipping cute! And of course, I don't like One D management for making him keep dyeing his hair but whatevs, y'know. He looks cute in anything. I don't understand how people can be so mean to him. I mean aslfj aslkfj LOOK AT HIS FACE PEOPLE!! He looks like a baby when he smiles, plus the teeth and spiky hair of course but a cute baby nonetheless.

Fan girling aside though; this story flows just so nicely. And trust me, I'm not saying that to be cute or anything (is it just me or is Niall's picture just so distracting? AND WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE THOSE THINGS IN HIS EARS?!).

The story concept isn't so original but the way you place it, and let it play out - ending with the meeting rather than the other way around - makes it your own. I can't help but read this with a British accent in my head. I think it's the way you write. You're British, though, aren't you? 'Cause if you aren't than you write in this voice very well.

Normally, I'm not a fan of switching POV's but I didn't mind with this one. I seem to like Nyx better, even though I think Jax is awesome just the way she is. There's just something about Nyx that I find easier to relate to. Goergie too.

The way you played their meeting was so cute (in all honesty, the word cute cannot be said enough to aptly describe this story). I loved how Jax gets mad with the Niall haters (Ok, really? I would have thrown a shoe at those idiots but whatevs) and Nyx's reaction. Priceless.

But that scene where Niall sees her when he's performing on stage - just omg.

You're a great writer and (apart from being sorry for being so late with the promised comment) am really happy that you chose to enter this into my contest.

Aww they are SO cute together!!

I love your story, please update soon!

Omg so this was freaking PERFECT. The plot was different and unique and lovely. I loved Nyx's character and the plan to get Niall and Jax to meet was extremely clever even though it was simple. I just really, really loved this and I would LOVE to read sequels with Nyx and Georgie! :)

Story Review

Layout: The background is gorgeous. And the story banner fits really well with the color theme. The spacing was well done and the font isn’t too small. I like how your borders separating different parts of the story mesh well with the background itself.

Summary: I like how you worded things. You managed to twist a cliché into something that sounds pretty original even though it’s kinda like “duh!” it works because of the tone you set for the story. Leaves me wondering how this is all going to play out.

Chapter One: The start is a bit confusing to me. I get the rushed idea, so maybe it’s just me, but the beginning sentences
“You boys ready?” Paul asked, before shoving the five of us on stage.

“Oh, don’t forget to turn your phones off! That means you, Niall!” he called after us, specifically scolding me. leave me feeling awkward.

I do like how you gave insight to your character and are showing us who he is even though he’s in this band who’s getting so much attention. Especially how you differentiated him from his other bandmates who were calm and posing for the cameras while he tried being like them only to fail and continue being the awkward/shy person he is.

The set-up is nice. How you got your readers to understand it’s an interview, that there’s a decently huge crowd of people watching them all, and how the different bandmates respond to the simple questions Mary asks. Gives it the feel of something you’d watch on TV while hearing the characters inner thoughts as narration. Very nicely done.

Niall’s phone going off was humor. The foreshadowing at the beginning makes it perfect and not completely random and out of base with everything else going on. It was interesting to see how Niall reacted when questioned by Mary about the sender of the text, though. Leaves me wondering why he hasn’t asked this person to be with him if he hasn’t or how recent the relationship is if he has. And he isn’t with her…..rude. Ok.

I like how Niall’s bandmates came to his rescue when Mary started pressuring for more answers. It’s her job, but she saw his weakness and would’ve exploited it badly if his bandmates hadn’t stepped in when they had.

Conclusion:I didn’t see any grammar or spelling errors, except for that one awkward start I pointed out earlier. It was a brief intro, but it was enough to let us get a feel of the importance of Jax to Niall and remind us that Niall is in fact part of band which plays a decently huge role in his life. The tags are a bit off, saying the person answers before typing their response makes it a bit redundant and pulls the reader out of the story, ruining the flow, so keep an eye on that. But overall, it doesn’t sound cliché at all. To me at least. I hope things go well with this story 

Perfect ending to a great story! You need to start writing about Harry & Zayn!!! D:

I'm dying omg.
You should update soon!!! X

Love the Big Fish ending!!! :D

Loved the five chapter so far, I ended up reading it all in one sitting. And I also love the story layout. Update when you can! :)

Commenting for the Are We Alike[..] thread, this is wonderful!
Lovely writing style and just very very good.
Good luck writing the rest, I hope it all goes well!

Great story! <3 It's very life-like and real. Continue writing, ara!!! :3

I really, really like this. You can tell the plot has been thought out and original and BETTER YET, different to other one direction stories on here. Niall is my fave, idk why people choose to hate on him but that idea with the signs in the third chapter was great. If that ever happens in my hometown, I might have to do that, haha! This is a great great story, and I can't wait for Niall and Jax to meet.

Subscribed :)

Mibba comment swap!

Just going to warn you that band-fiction isn't exactly my best genre, but I do sometimes read book fan-fiction. Not really much difference. Besides, I'm always willing to try something new.

On to the comment.

The layout is nice, especially the .gif as the banner. I also like the background.

Well, since this is constructive criticism, I would tell you to avoid clichés in this genre, etc, etc, but I don't really know the clichés in band-fiction, so I can't do that.

I like your descriptions especially, but you have to be careful not to go overboard. Yes, it is important, and yes, I do like to know who is talking, but at the same time, not every piece of dialogue has to be attached to an action. I noticed that, right after someone talks, you usually put an action, or specifically say how they said it (“she implored,” “Zayn interceded,” “Mary pushed,” etc.”). Don’t be afraid to write the word “said.” Now, do not replace all of these words with “said,” but, as I said, don’t be afraid to use the word “said” or “asked” more than once.

great update :D

the picture of niall is flawless

YAY! You finally posted the first chapter!!! :3