Wanted - Comments

original and creative plot, very well planned out. I agree that some sentences are a big awkward, but your vocabulary is great, formatting looks good, it's easy to read off the black background but still gives you a creepy sort of feel. very suspenseful and intriguing!

From what I've read, it's very good. I would go back and edit some - there were a fewa places where the wording just seemed.. awkward. Other than that - wow. Great writing. The layout bugs me - I would make your own, but it's not that big of a deal. Can't wait to read the rest of it. :D

This is a very intriguing story :) My only criticism, like the commenter below would be your grammar and spelling: getting a beta would improve it. And write a summary: the reader won't click on the first chapter is they don't know what the story is about. Your prologue was interesting: The ending lines gave me a slight chill. Your plot-line is, although not original, pretty fantastic. I love court-room scenes and murder-based stories. So yep, keep on going. I like.

There are a few places where you may want to go back and re-word a little necause somebof the sentences don't flow right.
That being said, I like the plot behind this story. I love a good murder/mystery/horror story. I actually like your prologue; it was a great hook that prompted me to keep reading. I like whenbstories have an intro set in the present and the story is the past leading up to it. The grammar and spelling are pretty good, bit like I said, some sentences could use some re-phrasing.

First off, your grammar and spelling are...okay. Your choice of words is amazing, and you use them very well, but correctly placing the sentence structures and working on your grammar (possibly a beta, like the others said?) would be really great.
You have a nice plot going, but your prologue is a little confusing. It kind of implies puzzling phrases that make you think that the plot is focused on something else, like a TV show or something. It sounds dumb, but then again, I'm usually naturally specific on things, so nevermind that.
Like I said before, your plot is great. You need a summary, like the others said, because it would attract other readers and keep them interested in the story by wondering what something in the summary says.

Good job. Maybe get a beta, as I suggested. But you have a nice story line, so I would encourage you to keep going!!

You have to change onto a the custom layout to read this; try and mess around with the layout maker yourself and make your own layout for this story. You should really add a summary too - you'd probably get a hell of a lot more readers if you do.

Your grammar and spelling is a bit off in this story. You have brilliant way with words but maybe you should consider getting a beta to help you out with it.

The first sentence needs ending punctuation. You actually have a few dialogue sentences that need commas at the end or something. I mention the first sentence specifically because a typo in the first paragraph can put someone off reading your work.

You have great writing skills and you paint description and scenes really well. I like reading all the background in your story because it flows really well, very similar to published works. Normally it's heavy for me to read in amateur works, but not here.

However, the formatting needs to be worked on slightly. All paragraphs should be double-spaced and there are a lot of punctuation errors, particular in regards to dialogue and tagging it.

I have to agree about the layout, haha, but I do have to say that it very well matches the story. I actually felt like I was reading the written version of a Criminal Minds story in a the first chapter, and the rest just flowed greatly.

I swear if I see the layout suspense one more time I am going to blow my brains out. Other than that I actually enjoyed the story. Although in a court room they would say "Has the jury reached a verdict?" Not that I have ever been in a court room except for on a field trip to Washington D.C. we went to the room where they hold supreme court meetings... and that is the story of how my friends and I passed out in the supreme courtroom... back to your story. The prologue was stunning. I love when stories just dive into the subject. I am excited to continue reading.

ooohooooooohhhhoooooh let me start off by saying that this drags you in right away :D it is cool!! and it's well written and flows perfectly although you have a few grammar/spelling errors here and there... but hey, that's normal.. and well, looking forward to reading more!! keep up the good work :D

Just quickly, please change the background colour from white... it's too white and really hurts my eyes.
Only up to the second chapter. Seems good so far. :)

This is not exactly my genre of expertise and as such I cannot adequately give much helpful criticism on that. However, I must say I really do like this story; the character - Cedar, especially catches my attention. He's rather complex and I like mysteries. :D

The majority of your grammar is excellent, but some of your sentences seem like they're missing simple words. Perhaps that's just the way you wanted them, but it's just something I noticed. There were also a few missed punctuation marks and mispellings, but nothing severe. Don't worry too much about it though, I mess those things up all the time.

Also you might want to space your paragraphs a little bit more. Some people may like to read everything all together, but it bugs me personally, because I have a habit of unintentionally rereading when it's all so close.

Other than that, it's a great story and I look forward to reading more. :D

This is really, really good. I love the detail you've included surrounding your characters and your overall writing style. I am actually wanting to major in Forensic Psychology and become a Criminal Profiler one day for the FBI. So this story is right up my alley.

The only thing that's bothering me is the fact that all of your paragraphs are very close together, making it harder to read. That's just me, personally. Other people probably won't mind but I have bad eye sight. Perhaps try double-spacing?

Other than that, your writing is phenomenal and I hope you do continue. I always love a good crime story.