The Rules of Assassination - Comments

Hiya, from comment swap here.

This story is different. Deffinitly not like the stories I normally. I'm very fascinated, and find this very interesting. I don't know who I think about her mother however. I'm not liking her. I really don't like parents like her.

Her job however seems very interesting. Well, other then the fact that she could have died in the first chapter.

I like your writing style. The plot is very interesting and different, and I really like this. I hope you update soon, because I would like to read some more.

Can I just say before I start, that this is awesome! I love the concept and I really can not wait to see where you take this. *subscribes*
From the summary, you’ve literally sucked me into the world you’re creating. The layout is simple and it’s easy on the eyes, so that is major brownie points for you.
Chapter One definitely gets the adrenaline rushing. From the first few paragraphs, you’ve set the scene perfectly. Giving the readers (and me. Heh.) the sense of danger.
Chapter Two is slow paced after the first chapter, but I liked that. It’s giving an insight of her life and family outside of I guess the ’killing’ business.
The only criticism I do have is punctuation. In some of your sentences, there aren’t many commas and such present. It ruins your writing flow and no author wants that.
Over all, I really liked this. Keep going! I can’t wait for this to continue!
One love,
Keeta.

This is fascinating.

I have a few points of criticism however.
You seem to have a couple problems with run-on sentences and punctuation. You're missing periods, commas, and sometimes even semi-colons that could help you. When you're missing all three of those in a sentence, it makes it run-on, making it difficult for the reader to actually make sense of it. You should be very careful about that. Edit over your chapters carefully or have someone else do it for you to help you.

To the content of this story, it's very unique, as much as the "forbidden romance" is a bit cliche. In the way that it is, your plot is very uncommon and I haven't read a story like this before.
Good job, and I wish you luck in the rest of your story. (:

Just the summary was pretty great. It sucked me in. Who doesn't love a "forbidden romance" story? I love 'em, that's for sure! And second, the main guy is capital A-T-T-R-A-HOT! Anywho, great story and an awesome start. It's pretty great. Good luck in the upcoming chapters!

The first chapter had me on the edge of my seat! I love it so far!

“No.” Brad called...
There should be a comma instead of a period after the 'no'.

Also, you should start a new paragraph after/before dialogue.
Check this thread out for dialogue assistance.

Your layout is very nice. Simple, yet pretty.
A few commas & semicolons are needed to fix your sentences from sounding like run-ons, but other than that I thoroughly enjoyed your story. I like the idea behind it, it's very interesting & I don't see very many plots such as yours. I think you've got a good story & I can't wait to see where you take it. (: