Electric Twist - Comments

I think this a very great idea. I have to say that Kloe is a unpleasant person,which is not all that cool to do your best friend. I love Oli and I think that typing interactions phonically takes away from the juice of the conversation. I think this will be a great story. I wish you the best in your writing.

~Comment Swap~
I read all of the chapters and I have decided that
the idea is a very interesting one, but I'm sorry I just don't really like Kloe. She is a little butthead and just too mean and nasty to Tiara. Also the only thing I know about Oli Sykes is that he's incredibly sexy. So unfortunately I don't think I will be continuing your story. But like I said it is very interesting.

Comment Swap~
i just burnt my hand so im really sorry that my spelling and stuff is wack.. i cant type with my burnt hand so yea...first o f all can we just have a moment for mother fucking oli sykes<333 he is so beautiful. i like how you intoduce the characters and i like the writing as well.. id write more but my hand is burnt -.- so just know your story is amazinggggg

Comment swap. I love how you're showing us her Kloe's friendship with Tiara. Cause I swear half the time I'm like "Why the fuck does she even this with this chick?" I think we all have someone that we can be like that with and everything would be fine the next day. I really wanna know what happens between her and Oli. So, Imma subscribe.

(Comment swap!)
First of all, Bring me the Horizon rocks. Oli is so sexy. I really like the description of the characters. There are no spelling or grammar mistakes that I spotted. One suggestion may be to change the layout. I don't think it reflects the story. Maybe something more sexy and rocker-ish?

Hey, I'm from comment swap! :-)
I was a natural red head, being Irish, this was no surprise.
I'm Irish and it is actually very rare to find a red head here, don't believe the hype.

Yeh’re welcome to party wi’ me and meh mates if yeh want.
Word of warning, typing phonically is very annoying to read. Just stress that he has an accent, you don't need to type it.

He and his friends had loved my Irish heritage, because it meant I drank whiskey like a trooper.
Again, we can't! We have the same limit for alcohol as anyone else of any other culture!

Sorry, I probably sound like a bitch, but I just hate when people stereotype the Irish. I only read the first chapter because I'm tired, but the plot is going well. Just watch your punctuation, and your grammar. And maybe give the caps lock a break, yeah?

Happy writing :-)

evolves*

I'm also from comment swap, and I'm SO not in hetero stories? I fucking love bmth, and Oli. Its just, when it comes to hetero, I flinch and run away aha. But I did read the first chapter and it was really good *cough*until the grinding against Oli thing*cough* that was too hetero for me xD I'm no heterophobe ok? I'm not even gay actually.. I just only read gay.. boyxboy actually..
I read the second chapter though and yeah, I like Kloe? She's cool, and all, and I like how she gets fucking mad x) And yeah for the moment I don't know why, but I prefer Kloe? :p
Alright, I'd like to know how this evolved anyway so I still subscribed being the curious ass I am...
Keep it up?

Comment Swap brought me here. I've never really read an Oli Sykes fanfic though I have listened to Bring Me The Horizon. I liked this, but I do think Kloe is being a HUGE bitch the Tiara and Tiara seems sweet. So, I'm definitely not on Kloe's side haha :)

Back again to write the aforementioned legitimate comment! :)

Anyway; on to the story. I really quite adore the relationship between Tiara and Kloe. It's so true; sometimes the most opposite of friends can become the closest. <3 I liked the fact that the bartender was so familiar with the girls, too xD The way the story progresses and gains momentum with each line is really interesting; and you also take no time in doddling with your various scene settings and plot steps. Hopefully, Kloe will calm herself down a bit, and be a better listener xD lol

BUT - you must update! This is fantastic. I would love to hear more of what goes on with Kloe and Oli. Oh, and btw, I personally think the second banner is best :3

Molly

First thing I noticed was that you use comma's instead of semi colons. E.g. "For example, tonight" should be a colon instead of a comma(or put for example with a comma after the subject) , I've noticed a few others too. There's also quite a few pretty spontaneous topic jumps. From hair to Tiara was a very quick jump, and though I see you were talking about how they looked before you started on about what her dad used to call her, it would run a lot smoother if you started a new paragraph to talk about how Tiara looked; preferably with a related topic or Tiara doing something that caught the main character's attention. "Fuck off idoit!" needs a comma before idoit, as idoit is grammatically the same as using a name.
Ah, I've seen this with so many Oli Sykes fanfictions - I understand his accent appears very different, but it's still recommended that if he's going to be a main character that you highlight his accent outside the speech. Especially 'yeh', as it's going to be used a lot, i'd write it as 'you' and then say how it sounds to your character. This is optional, of course, I just find it difficult to read personally and I know a few others do.

Well, all in all, I quite like the plot. I know this whole comment looks very negative I'm just terrible with compliments. You have a good story line, and though I don't agree with a lot of your grammatical decisions(capitals while yelling, for example) I'm interested to see where this is going. Keep writing <3

this is really great! :)

i found the way you started this story off to be very interesting. i'm rather tired now, so i'll return to leave a more legitimate comment in the morning! lol, for right now, i'm hardly able to write a coherent phrase. x)

Molly

(will return in the morning o_o)

So, I normally don't read BMTH fic, but this story is awesome. o_o Seriously, dude, I already adore the shit out of it. Kloe seems... awesome, a little bit of a brat, but awesome nonetheless. Tiara seems like a good friend, who only has her best interest at heart.

I'd really like to read more of this, so I hope that you update soon!

x

P.S. I liked the second banner the best! :)

So far this story is good I liked the second banner the most good luck with this story can't wait to hear more

This story seems like it'll be really good! :)