I love how Frank chooses to stay incognito and watches Gerard. The way you described that was just so good! Your writing is lovely and I can't wait for more.
@ dirt whispered. Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
And I see your point. I've been re-reading the chapters and I've noticed a lot of little things like that that I could have written differently... or just better.
I'll try to consider that [name dropping] from now on.
You're a good writer. This is nicely written with very good descriptions. Your narrative is perfect - your dialogue even more so.
The only problem I have is more of a peeve than anything. I don't like how you seem to name drop rather than properly introduce/explain who the character is. For example, Whataya want, Kid ?" Gerard Way asks curtly... Yes, you're introducing him for the first time, and it is beneficial for everyone to learn his name, but where this seems to be set in high school, his full name shouldn't hold any bearing yet. Maybe something along the lines of Whataya want, Kid ?" the older boy, whose name was Gerard, asks curtly...
Just a suggestion, because - like I said - it's a peeve of mine. Otherwise this is a very nice start (I've read through the firs couple chapters) and I think you have a nice story going.
This is so good. I just read the whole thing in one shot (which is unusual for me) and I really enjoy the way you write. I'm looking forward to seeing how things will go.
@Fabulous Killjoy Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, he is a little ticked off. But you'll have to wait until the next chapter to see what he's gonna do. I'll update soon.
Yeah, you can totally tell Gerard is pissed about someone putting their hands on Frank. Looks like Brian is gonna get a taste of his own medicine. This chapter wasn't bad at all, what are you talking about?
Amazing, as always! You managed to make me feel like I was Frank for a moment; I felt the exact same way as you described he did (except for the stirring in the pants thing, I'm a girl xD)! But I loved it, i hope for more soon! <3