Fires That Burn - Comments

Wow. Good writing. I like the way you ended the second cha[ter. It made me go onto the third. The layout and background pictures are great and I love how they allude to the story. Your writing is great and descriptive. I can imagine everything thats going on. Honestly, I don't know anything bad that I could say. It is weird that she has the feeling something would happen. I imagine most people would be comepletly clueless about their death. And also, if she was on edge all day, why would she go into a strangers house? Wouldn't she be a little more cautious? But anyhow, over all, I loved it. Totally suscribing :)

Wow! Just wow! I love the layout.
The story title and the story.
Its amazing so far. Do write more? I'm dying.

This is a nice start. I love the father-daughter relationship you have set up - so sweet. And I like Raven's, for lack of a better word, premonition - the sense that something is going to happen, though she has no idea what.

The only suggestion I have (other than tweaking the layout as others have said) is to be careful not to hint too much at the same thing. I have to catch myself from doing this sometimes too, but it just seems as if your foreshadowing a little too often, or making it too obvious? If that makes sense. Foreshadowing is nice, but should be done subtly - in my opinion.

Overall, this is off to a great start. Keep it up.

Well first I want to say I like it so far. Its not a great story, but it definitely has the potentional to be! One thing I really don't like about this is the background. I know the comment below says this, and I agree with them. It is too distracting and it takes away from the story as a whole. The story itself, however, is quite enjoyable. I like the descriptions you use, and the foreshadowing. Also, the character of Raven is developing well. I wish your chapters were longer, but it makes a great short and easy read. I'm interested in finding out what happens! Keep writing!(:

Hello, this is for comment swap.

I might as well start by saying that I do not like the background at all. After clicking on the first chapter and seeing a ginormous banner ... well, this might sound rude, but I do not read stories that have obnoxious pictures or color schemes that don't even go together.

Yet, I am still reading and I must say that it is off to a slow start. I think you should be much more descriptive and go into detail. Especially when Raven picks up the leaf and it crumbles in her hand. Or the freak storm and such.

You have been repeating a lot of the same sentences. It really diminshes the point of having a story. I think you need to go back and proofread.

All in all, I do not read stories like this and I usually read a story by basing it off the layout or getting a hint of what it may be about through the layout. I had to force myself to read this. I think it needs some work and the layout should be changed.

But I feel as if this is a good start. Good luck in the contest.

In all truth and honesty, I don't read stories like this very often, but yours is very, very nice. I like the informative nature of the summary. It really adds something to it. Anyways, onto the review!

The entirety of this seems very interesting; it reminds me of The Lovely Bones a little bit, haha. Raven has this Susie Salmon kind of vibe to her. I kind of have a weakness for stories about people dying (not in THAT way, but yeahhhh.) and finding out how and why they died. It's just something I really like. Anyways, I like what you're building up for your character. You really know how to up the suspense here and I really enjoyed that. However, I can't read the rest right now, since I'm in a rush right now, but I'll be back soon to find out what happens to Raven! Great job so far, love! <3

OMIGOD UTADA HIKARU
APPLE AND CINNAMON, YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE A MAN, CRYING LIKE A CHILD, EASY BREEZY! love her

hey! thank you so much for your comment, i totally appreciate it!!

and well, i really liked your story!! your description about the scenery and everything is just very well written!! also, i love the intro, it's very catchy. and!! (yes, there's more) the dialogues are also very interestingly written, :) all in all a very good sotry, hope you update soon!! :D

p.s. i'll get to the other story in a few the whole website change totally threw me off!! D:

hey! thank you so much for your comment, i totally appreciate it!!

and well, i really liked your story!! your description about the scenery and everything is just very well written!! also, i love the intro, it's very catchy. and!! (yes, there's more) the dialogues are also very interestingly written, :) all in all a very good sotry, hope you update soon!! :D

p.s. i'll get to the other story in a few the whole website change totally threw me off!! D:

Oooouuuuuu, eerie. I really like this one (nice layout, by the way. Love the headers), especially the foreshadowing and the way you set the tone. Really nice description and (so far) pacing. I think this is my favorite piece of yours yet.

First I gota say
I love your layout
The flames are awesome

Now with your story
I quite enjoyed it
I love your summary, nicely down.
Also I love the word/name: Raven (don't ask why)

I love the beginning of your story
Got me wanting more, which is good
This seems really promising

Keep up the good work
<3

The last sentence of the summary got me hooked. I really like the setting you placed perfectly. Typical suspense. I don't know if I'm wrong or right but her name Raven really meant something for me in terms of her personality. I'm not quiet sure on where this would be going but that's the great thing about building on your character. I like the foresight and layouts pretty eye catching(: I'd like to keep reading.

This story was really good and sooooo creepy!
The layout also fits really well!

wow, cant wait to read this. i like it. you have pulled me in. seems kinda like the movie, the lovely bones, which i also liked

This is definitely an intriguing beginning; I always liked stories about how someone died, and goes back to say how it all happened. The fact that you're narrowing out one neighbor in particular has me curious if it's really the neighbor who did something or maybe you're trying to focus our attention on it when it's something completely different? Or maybe I'm over thinking xD

My only suggestion is to cut back on the periods at the end of the second to last paragraph. Otherwise, looks interesting!!