The Nomads - Comments

All my fears neatly brought together in one chapter; that's quite scary. As I continued to read I started to see myself in Hyunseung more and more. I think this really got to me since I usually run from commitment and responsibilities. Besides, the writing is good and it has a nice flow. There are many questions about the character and why he has to leave, why not stay, what about his lover and it would be nice to read more about it and how he evolves.

Comment swap -

The story has a really nice flow to it. When reading the first gew paragraphs I just had this picture of dudk in my head, and it seemed very peaceful.

I do feel that I would have had a greater connection to the piece if the emotions etc being described were shown morseo than told. I got more into it when the situation was expanded on, with the mention of the character's friends (lover?). Im also curious as to whether there is anything supernatural to it at all.

Overall the language is good but I would have liked to have seen interactions with othe characters.

i'm not sure how I feel about this. I liked it, but it seemed distant. It talks about how the character is feeling, but it's in a detached way that doesn't invoke empathy, and it's slightly confusing as there's no explination as to why he has to leave or why he can't settle down or let himself become dependent on someone. Maybe it's just me, because I haven't heard the song that inspired it, though. I feel horrible now, leaving all this criticism, but I did enjoy it. It flowed really well and you're a brilliant, descriptive writer. It's not easy being descriptive without stunting the flow of the story, but you've done it fantastically.

I lied this story. It has a lot of emotion poured into it, and the descriptions are nicely written. Whatever the lines, maybe lyrics or Of a poem?, that are interwoven into the story are great, and really help you to dwell what the character is feeling. The grammar and sentence structure is perfect, and its great. My favorite line would have to be, "He feels how his soul has been left behind – pieces have been ripped out, harshly, without a warning and it can’t be fixed.". It's really great, and you should definitely write more! I'd read it.

I liked it. Very poetic. :)

I really enjoyed the weaving of poetic lines (song lyrics?) within the text - it made it even more of an interesting read. I found the imagery to be absolutely gorgeous, and it really emphasised the melancholy undercurrent that runs throughout. More than anything though there was a deep sense of hopelessness, and inescapability.
If I were to describe this in two words I would say "beautifully sad."
Well done, I really enjoyed it =)

This is very descriptive which I personally like even though I have so hard of a time doing it myself :( But enough about me I had a hard time following exactly what was going on so I did my best to figure out what was going on.I think it was great though and about midway you finally realize what's going on.

Very descriptive and many lines were very poetic, but as a whole the story is hard to follow. It reads as if it's a one sided conversation, leaving the reader slightly confused and wanting more. I'm not sure if that was your intention though.

Your grammar is lovely though and I feel that you could develop this into a great story. What you have so far is a perfect set up to continue on. Keep writing.

So I will say that the story was well-descriptive, but when I first start reading I had no clue what was really going on until I got about mid way into the middle. I think what confused me was the italic parts at first.

An interesting story I'm sure, but I had a hard time following it. It seemed a bit unstructured and it didn't flow that smoothly. It was kinda hard to understand it, y'know?

But you are a good writer, no doubt about it. But it was a little 'all over the place', one paragraph just being one sentence and so on. But maybe it's just me and that I just don't get it.

But as I said; interesting.

For a song-inspired oneshot, this was rather good. The first line seemed off to me - as the person below suggested, I was definitely change it to "March was on its second week...", and I also agree in there being too many 'but's. It's a bit off-putting. Some words here and there seemed a bit out of place or redundant - for example, the 'in his loose steps'; maybe it should be changed to 'carelessness in his walk, in his loose gait' or even '...of another, carelessness in his gait...': you don't really need the 'loose steps' bit. And the 'his glance paces around' seems off; maybe 'as he glances around'.
Just little things like that. Other than that, this was rather interesting and quite a refreshing read. I was a bit confused in the middle - I thought he'd already been on the run, but it made sense at the end and I quite enjoyed it. Well done.

Okay first this sentence "...warm – too warm for spring, for March which was on...." seems a bit wrong to me. Maybe change it to "...too warm for spring. March was on its second week..." And this one has too many "buts" maybe change the second one to "and"? "...humid but still warm. But he feels dead..."

This was definetly interesting.

I kind of had a hard time following your story... It felt kind of all over the place and some parts just didn't flow right for me... I hated leaving bad comments but I just didn't feel as interested or captivated by this as other writings have made me... From the looks of it, you seem to be a good writer, so maybe it was just me. It just felt too all over the place for my tastes. Sorry :(

i love this. i really really love this. i felt connected to the character and it was just... fantastic. the way you describe things, the way you write, and the words you use are just fabulous and really create a good tone for the story. it was beautiful and i sort of wish there was more.

This is really good :) I don't usually read things like this but I found it really intriguing, like I had keep reading until the end. I felt like I could relate to the character and understand what he was feeling. I love the way you write and how everything just flowed together nicely! I'm glad I came across this :)

I loved this. I wouldn't usually read something like this but if I'm honest I'm glad I did. The small paragraphs made it easy to read and the lines in italics have to be pure genius. They themselves seemed to add more detail to the story you created. I did notice though "As soon as the run rises"- I think you meant "As soon as the sun rises" but that's it. You're really talented. Hope you continue with your writing for a long time.

This is so intriguing! I really enjoyed the pace of this story, and the tone is great, it was a very relaxing read. I love how the italics weaves in with the regular font, but the italics are their own saying, if that makes sense...? Anyway, it's very beautifully written and I enjoyed it a lot. Well done.

Beautiful. Absolutely wonderful. I really enjoyed this, and to be honest. I was a bit iffy in the beginning. However, towards the middle, I was getting into it. The way you wrote this story was refreshing and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the picture and felt it matched the words perfectly. I enjoyed how mysterious the man was, it kept you wondering how much longer he could bare. I also have to agree your title is perfect.

I liked this, the description was really well and you managed to capture a lot of the characters feelings and what was going on inside his head with all his thoughts. He seemed like a really intruiging character and the way he thought and how he thought was written really well. The only thing that I didn't like were the parts in italics, I'm guessing that they're song lyrics? They're nice, but to me they seemed to interrupt the flow and just jarred for me, but that's just my opinion, overall this was really good!

ive been on comment swap all day and i have yet to see something this good. the first one shot all day. i dont really like reading the longer stories as i like reading oneshots. so thats a pointer for me :) love it