So I was just browsing through your list of stories and this one--the title, specifically--caught my eye so I decided to give it a read
I like how in the first few chapters, you give a back story and explanation of what's going on, but you do it in a way that you feel like the character has just wandered up beside the reader and is just having a casual conversation. A pet peeve of mine with stories is when the author introduces a character and describes their life or the current events like they're writing a dating profile. It's just a bit sterile and doesn't let you settle into the story as easy as it does when you introduce them the way you have.
I felt my face flush a little as the heat of the crowd pressed around me.
I love that you mention that part of the mosh pit experience. Honestly, I rarely see people use it, even though it's one of the more negative (at least I think so haha) aspects of the pit, because you get so hot and sweaty and sometimes it feels like you can't breathe. So you mentioning that minor detail gives it all the more realism
Haha, I can just see Zacky playing his guitar like that, standing feet apart and using only one hand. It's such a cocky move, but like your character says, it's also pretty sexy
It's cute reading her excitement and almost awe that she's experiencing being at her first live show. From what I can remember (mine was over 10 years ago now hahaha) it is pretty mind blowing when you first experience a live band, especially one as impressive as an Avenged Sevenfold show.
Oh, poor girl! Though I can't say I wouldn't choke on my drink if Zacky wandered up and sat down next to me. Actually, I might have actually spat it on him... so I'm glad she didn't do that. Hahaha.
I love how he's being all casual and acting like he's not part of the band. I mean, I expect it from her, because who makes to fangirl in front of the object of their obsession? Nobody. I honestly laughed out loud when he said he heard they were a good band. Hahaha.
I also liked how their first meeting was brief and kind of mysterious. I mean, they didn't exchange names or anything like that, it was just a casual, friendly conversation between two strangers and that was it, for now. I prefer it when things aren't rushed and this way, it seems much more realistic and believable.
I like how sweet and innocent Becca is. She's almost even a little awkward, but in a good way. Her naiveness is cute, the way she's silently questioning why Zacky would want to show her around town... to the reader, it seems pretty obvious he thinks she's cute and is interested, but to she seems completely clueless. Adorable. Hahaha.
Aww, man! Poor Zacky! She's rejected his attempt to try and get to know her better twice now! Gah! Becca, stop thinking he's just trying to be nice... wake up, girl! Hahaha.
I like that's she independent, but I hope she can find a way to be more comfortable and accepting of people's help and kindness when it's offered to her. If not just for herself, but maybe because it makes people feel good to do things for others. I mean, she accepted Nikki's gesture of paying for the hotel room (albeit somewhat begrudgingly) and she didn't have a choice but to accept Zacky's generosity of paying for breakfast... but it wasn't without feeling guilt which is definitely out of place.
I must admit... I was a little confused for a moment then. I thought when it was 'Matt' picking up the cake, that it was Zacky's brother, just because the cake had been for his mum (I assume) so I was like "Huh? Why would you fangirl over Zacky's brother? And how do you recognise him?" but now I realise it was Matt Sanders... so now I've got it. Haha.
Aww, a coffee date! Well, not a date.. but sort of. Hahaha. I don't blame her for being cautious, especially since her last relationship clearly didn't go well. But I'm glad she didn't totally shut him down... it's progress! Hahaha.
Honestly, I really enjoyed this. I like the way you played it out, it wasn't rushed and they didn't just fall into bed and then fall in love instantly. It was realistic and different, which was refreshing. The ending was good, I liked that it was open and left up to the reader to imagine how things worked out for them. As a hopeless romantic, I like to think that Zacky won her over and they lived happily ever after...
Having said that, I believe this story has the potential to be turned into a full length. I would love to see how things go between them, since it was left so open ended, and I think there's a lot that can built out of it. I dunno, I just think the plot has a lot of potential. I'd certainly read it! Hahaha.
I like how in the first few chapters, you give a back story and explanation of what's going on, but you do it in a way that you feel like the character has just wandered up beside the reader and is just having a casual conversation. A pet peeve of mine with stories is when the author introduces a character and describes their life or the current events like they're writing a dating profile. It's just a bit sterile and doesn't let you settle into the story as easy as it does when you introduce them the way you have.
I felt my face flush a little as the heat of the crowd pressed around me.
I love that you mention that part of the mosh pit experience. Honestly, I rarely see people use it, even though it's one of the more negative (at least I think so haha) aspects of the pit, because you get so hot and sweaty and sometimes it feels like you can't breathe. So you mentioning that minor detail gives it all the more realism
Haha, I can just see Zacky playing his guitar like that, standing feet apart and using only one hand. It's such a cocky move, but like your character says, it's also pretty sexy
It's cute reading her excitement and almost awe that she's experiencing being at her first live show. From what I can remember (mine was over 10 years ago now hahaha) it is pretty mind blowing when you first experience a live band, especially one as impressive as an Avenged Sevenfold show.
Oh, poor girl! Though I can't say I wouldn't choke on my drink if Zacky wandered up and sat down next to me. Actually, I might have actually spat it on him... so I'm glad she didn't do that. Hahaha.
I love how he's being all casual and acting like he's not part of the band. I mean, I expect it from her, because who makes to fangirl in front of the object of their obsession? Nobody. I honestly laughed out loud when he said he heard they were a good band. Hahaha.
I also liked how their first meeting was brief and kind of mysterious. I mean, they didn't exchange names or anything like that, it was just a casual, friendly conversation between two strangers and that was it, for now. I prefer it when things aren't rushed and this way, it seems much more realistic and believable.
I like how sweet and innocent Becca is. She's almost even a little awkward, but in a good way. Her naiveness is cute, the way she's silently questioning why Zacky would want to show her around town... to the reader, it seems pretty obvious he thinks she's cute and is interested, but to she seems completely clueless. Adorable. Hahaha.
Aww, man! Poor Zacky! She's rejected his attempt to try and get to know her better twice now! Gah! Becca, stop thinking he's just trying to be nice... wake up, girl! Hahaha.
I like that's she independent, but I hope she can find a way to be more comfortable and accepting of people's help and kindness when it's offered to her. If not just for herself, but maybe because it makes people feel good to do things for others. I mean, she accepted Nikki's gesture of paying for the hotel room (albeit somewhat begrudgingly) and she didn't have a choice but to accept Zacky's generosity of paying for breakfast... but it wasn't without feeling guilt which is definitely out of place.
I must admit... I was a little confused for a moment then. I thought when it was 'Matt' picking up the cake, that it was Zacky's brother, just because the cake had been for his mum (I assume) so I was like "Huh? Why would you fangirl over Zacky's brother? And how do you recognise him?" but now I realise it was Matt Sanders... so now I've got it. Haha.
Aww, a coffee date! Well, not a date.. but sort of. Hahaha. I don't blame her for being cautious, especially since her last relationship clearly didn't go well. But I'm glad she didn't totally shut him down... it's progress! Hahaha.
Honestly, I really enjoyed this. I like the way you played it out, it wasn't rushed and they didn't just fall into bed and then fall in love instantly. It was realistic and different, which was refreshing. The ending was good, I liked that it was open and left up to the reader to imagine how things worked out for them. As a hopeless romantic, I like to think that Zacky won her over and they lived happily ever after...
Having said that, I believe this story has the potential to be turned into a full length. I would love to see how things go between them, since it was left so open ended, and I think there's a lot that can built out of it. I dunno, I just think the plot has a lot of potential. I'd certainly read it! Hahaha.