I Will Try To Fix You - Comments

Fab with the initial setting being in bed, speaks to union and perhaps conflict right away. The start establishes setting, gives us character and relationship, we can guess we're near Atlanta maybe? action is started with the road trip and although I saw no foreshadowing in the chapter, the road trip is possibly the inciting incident of the central conflict and that can be a mystery to hook the reader. My compliments, I thought it a fine start.

Here's my nitpicks:

"He sat up in bed," delete in bed? He's already there?

"I knew that time...." The word "that" is superfluous in the sentence--say the sentence without the word and you'll see?

"started wrapping his arms...." Or stronger is, "he wrapped his arms around...."

Similar "Going to miss you," Simpler is "I'll miss you?"

"rare form" might be too cliché?

I really liked this. The banner is gorgeous; a little small, but beautiful nonetheless. Your grammar and spelling is absolutely impeccable, and your descriptions are very vivid and some of the scenes that you wrote about were really cute. I like the title, because whenever I read it I sing along (I forgot the name of the song, but the words, "And I'll try to fix youuu..." and I just like singing your title because it's very fun. c:

I loved how you started the story:

I laid in bed listening to him breathing. The slow and steady in and out of his breath should have been calming, but instead it seemed to only distract me further.

It's a simple, but intriguing start and it hooks the reader in rather successfully. I like how you started with quite a simple action, just lying in bed with someone, but then you detail it as the chapter rolls on and introduce complications to the once simple and picturesque scene. Like how you say that the sound of his breathing is distracting, and how apprehensive she feels, etcetera.

The ending was really, really depressing.

Seriously. I loved the story but, why.

"St. Vincent's Mental Hospital. How may I help you?"

D: It was such an ominous ending, and although I knew what was going to happen I didn't want it to happen. Ahh. I loved this, I'm kinda sad that I missed the 'updating journey', if you will, of this story. :(

Sad ending D: </3

I'm a few chapters in and I am going to have to stop for the night. Getting a bit tired! But I have to say that I am absolutely loving your story. I love how the girls will get together and all help each other feel better about their situation with their loved ones going away for awhile. I'm subscribing and coming back tomorrow to finish!

I've just read the first chapter and so far I absolutely love it. It has definitely left me wanting to read more and I'll get right on it. :) Love it so far.

Like the update can't wait to read more

(Comment swap)
Okay, so I only had time to read the first chapter, but so far I'm really enjoying the story! The main character seems quirky and cute, but still very realistic. The couple is adorable already and just everything about this situation seems completely realistic and well done. I'm hoping to read more soon!

wow what a asshole I hope someone comes and saves her

Hello. :)
I really liked this story! Your characters are original and easy to connect with, especially with the relationship. I do have a few tips though.
Firstly, the colour of the text is a little hard on the eyes. Though it's dark grey text and a black background, I had to high light each chapter to read it. Maybe do a lighter grey if you don't wanna change it that much.
I also agree with I'd.Be.Your.Tears. There isn't much grammar mistakes, save for the one in the first sentence of the first chapter. Also, add in more descriptions. Go crazy! You can never have too much description. If you don't and just have some and a lot of dialogue, it's just like reading a play.
Besides that, everything else is great! Keep up the awesome work!
One love,
Keeta. :)

I got this for the comment swap and so far I really liked it! :)
I’ve only read the first chapter, but I found it really easy to read – your writing style is good and it flows really well. And I only spotted the one grammar mistake in the first sentence, so that’s not too bad. I think a little more description in places could add to this, but so far it’s really good.
I really liked the way you present the relationship between the two of them. It seems to easy going and loving.
I’m looking forward to reading more :)

Right in the first sentence there as an error. That itself made me iffy about reading the rest. "I lied in bed..." No. "I laid.."
I'm not sure how I like this story as a whole though. I made it to the second chapter for now. I think there is a bit too much dialogue and you need to figure out how to balance it a lot better.
Happy writing(:

I love the layout of this story! I really love the characters, and the storyline too! I found myself chuckling at a few things, which is very hard to get me to do when reading a story, so congratulations! Keep writing!

I really like this. The layouts pretty sick too. I like the colours. I mean, that could just be me being myself. But i really do like it. I like the characters. I really do like the names of them aswell not just how they are. You have sure have a new subscriber here!

{me xD}

This is good. I'm not going to lie and say you have this amazing talent and everything, but you are a very good writer. I'm extremely interested in your story and I would love to figure out what's going on in June's head that she would stay with him. Anyways, good story and update quickly.

So apparently my comment didn't get posted according to my computer so I shall say more: Very nice clean writing you have here. I think it is a fun story with good characters and a certain charm to it. Pleasure to read and I wish you best of luck with your future writing! This is very similar to a fan-fiction but it's not and that's what I love about it cause its a type of story I write fairy often. :D

Very nice clean writing you have here. I think it is a fun story with good characters and a certain charm to it. Pleasure to read and I wish you best of luck with your future writing! :D

I really like this, kinda reminds me of a few relationship glitches I've had :S but I am really looking forward to more :) You have a really nice writing style that just flows very nicely and hardly any spelling or grammar errors!! keep up the good work :D

I love this story!!
I'll definitely help you with a banner if you still need it!