Riddle and Rhyme - Comments

Awh. This is amazing. I Love how you've introduced the new Shawn and how he's changed. It's also written incredibly well. I enjoyed this very much. Please update it and continue the storyline! :)

aww this was sad :( anyway... i really liked it :)

Honestly, I came really close to not judging it because you did turn it in late, but I’m a nice person, so I figured I’d judge it regardless.

As far as first impressions go, I feel like the story page is really distracting and that there are way too many visuals, which really detract from the short summary that you do have. Along with the disclaimer, which is really unnecessary, I feel like there’s way too much going on. The whole “steal my plot and I’ll take you out” comes across as really immature and unnecessary to me Other than that, I do appreciate the simplicity of the rest of the banner, and aside from the distraction of all the visuals, the black text on white background was easy to read.

Moving on to the actual content of the story, I enjoyed the dialogue between the two main characters. It flowed very naturally and had that sort of witty banter quality that occurs between best friends, so I got a lot of my feel for the relationship between Gus and Shawn through their dialogue. For the most part, I also enjoyed the narration because I feel like it helped to set the quirky vibe that you were going for. I also liked your description of the various gestures and expressions of the characters because that helped make them feel more real for me as I was reading. Though I love a good example of character!fic, because I’m not familiar with this particular fandom, I would have preferred there to have been a bit more plot to the piece, but that’s just my own personal preference.

I did feel like the flow was too choppy in places, which really broke up the flow of the piece for me. Because I’m not familiar with the fandom, I also found myself wanting more physical description of the characters. Though I felt I had a grasp on their personalities, I couldn’t quite visualize the characters in my head. Granted, I’m not looking for paragraphs upon paragraphs of nothing but description, and I’m aware that, because this is fanfiction, that you don’t expect people that aren’t familiar with the fandom to read it, but that’s not necessarily the case, and as a reader, I felt like I had nothing to work with to form the images in my head, so it didn’t feel as real to me as it could have.

Overall, I did enjoy reading this piece. Thanks for entering!