The Punk Rock Princess & The Garage Band King - Comments

To be honest, I didn't think I would enjoy the story as much as I have. You're characters are well developed and relate-able, I can't wait to see what happens in the future with them. I have theories setting up for future chapters and I have to return to see what happens. You're a lovely author who understands the use of description goes further than dialogue. Again, can't wait to return and see what comes next.

~From Comment Swap:
Not necessarily my oridinary cup of tea, but I really like your style. You have some great description like if you inhaled deep enough, you could almost taste the saltwater of the Pacific in the air.

I think my favorite was that you took a cliche and the subverted a lot of what you expect. New girl in school, so I'll force a public introduction on her so I dump exposition all over the place. And no one's falling all over themselves to meet her.

There's a couple of places where you switch tenses, but other than that no major issues.

This is interesting, although you made a few slips in tenses. I think that the teacher's question at the end of Chapter 1 isn't very realistic, as teachers don't usually try to pry into student's lives... even if he meant it as a joke. I like this part of the second chapter:

''I finished the first day begrudgingly, dodging every bullet that would have forced me to talk about my past, and now it was time for therapy. The Room I can't stand...yay! I thought to myself. There was nothing worse than sitting in a cold room with a man who tries to give you tips about your life, but doesn't listen when you tell him they wont work. She had grown accustomed to remaining mute while in therapy.''

I don't know, I think it reveals a little bit more of her characteristics and personality, rather than making her the 2 dimensional 'new girl'.

I love the banner, although I think it's a bit too small for the context, or the context is too big for the banner :) The layout is nice, although perhaps you could experiment with different coloured titles/different fonts? Maybe it could add a more personal touch. Anyway, I like it!

Watch your tenses. You bounced back and forth a bit. Also, I feel like Mr. Garfield's character isn't very realistic. I feel like your writing improved as you wrote this. Definitely keep it up. One more thing- the italics are a bit distracting in chapter four.

This is really interesting and I like it. I look forward to seeing how everything plays out and I'll def. come back and read more in the future. (: Really good! It intrigued me right away (I came from comment swap and really did enjoy the story.). Good job!!!

Oh yes and also I can not wait to see how Avery and the garage band king are going to interact with each other, and by the way you write I can tell it's going to be interesting.
AND I like how Avery isn't like some girls characters that are always bubbly and perfect at everything, it makes her a more relatable character.

Comment swap

I usually don't read het, but I really like this. I really like Avery, shes a good character. I would like to know more about her. Also has the garage king already made an appearance, or has he yet to come?I can't wait for more

Hello there. Xd I was brought to this amazing story of yours from comment swap. Xd First of all, I like your writing style so even thought comment swap brought me here, I did read all the chapters. You described everything that needed to be described and the dialogue flowed nicely. I wonder how Avery's character will develop and I'm interested on that doc and Avery's friends. Overall, it was very well written and I like it. Xd Keep up the great work and share your imagination with me and the rest of your fans. Xd That's all, bye. :D

Brought here by comment swap!

This is a sad story... Not my usual cup of tea but it intrigues me. I'm curious about the 'Garage Band King' and Avery's past... All very interesting! I hope to see more and soon!

I love it :D

a little slow but most first charpters are. Your writing is great. I look forward to reading more. subscriped