Closing Time - Comments

Hello, here from comment swap!
I actually have never read Fall Out Boy fan fiction before, so going into this I knew I was going to be confused, as I only know Pete from Fall Out Boy, haha. I really liked your layout, it made the story easy to read. This might just be a personal preference of mine, but I think there were a couple sections that were a little informal for a narrative, for example using "?!" or putting something in parentheses instead of explaining it. But that is just me knit-picking! Other than that, I think you're a pretty good writer and I found the story to be interesting. I would encourage you to elaborate more so your paragraphs aren't choppy. But great job overall with your word choices and I liked the italics for the thinking. Made it more interesting!

I'm crying now ;-; Love your story & the twist to it! :)

This is a great story! :D I may not know much about FOB but I did appreciate how different this story was and I thank you for entering this into my contest. :) And I'm glad I got to read it. I'll come back and read the second chapter a bit later (I still have other entries to judge :P). Good job on writing a lovely story. :)

This was definitely different from what I was expecting. It was a great idea and written fairly well. While I was reading a kept wondering why Patrick wouldn't talk back which made me want to keep reading which is good. I enjoyed that Pete even thought Patrick was rude in the beginning. The first ending was very sweet, I loved that he could finally move on after getting the invitation to be in the band. I loved both endings and how you explained them more in the authors note, but my favorite was defiantly the first one. Great Job!

Sweetie comment:

I'm not quite sure what to think about this. It's different, I'll give you that. I also really like the fact that at first Pete doesn't like Patrick, that he thinks he's insanely rude. To be honest, I thought it'd turn out that he was deaf or something and that was why he never replied to Pete or really acknowledged him. But I think the way you did it was better, having him dead and that being the reason why he didn't really acknowledge Pete and was why the employees didn't know what on earth he was on about whenever he would speak about Patrick, or even when he was speaking to Patrick.

I read both the endings, and even though the first one is really cute, I much prefer the second one. I can kinda see that happening more than the first one and it fits in with the story a lot more in my opinion. I also really like the fact that Patrick was holding on for the invitation as a singer. It just makes my heart go out to him. Bless his little cotton socks.

Anyway, I did really like this despite not quite knowing what to think about it. I also like the fact that you explained each ending as well.

There is something so appealing about them being in a book shop... being one story, surrounded by a whole collection of stories. It seems comforting and also overwhelming.

I loved the line "he stormed out of Borders" right as the rain, which he dislikes, stops. It's so deliciously ironic that he's converted into the one thing he appalls. It seems to work parallel to how Pete initially is reluctant to approach Patrick, but then it turns out to be something he desires. Even later, it seems like that trait even haunts him, pushing him to escape his initial beliefs and find meaning in the things he could have ignored.

the end was so cute. It made me love Pete. I liked that you explained your first ending, it made me appreciate the way you chose to end it this time. Overall, it was really adorable and sweet.

comment swap :) thumbs up for Fall Out Boy :)

I read what you have posted so far, and I think you're a very talented writer. It's very easy to read, and it flows nicely (I always look for that). I also like how you used short paragraphs/sentence thingys, it also makes it easier to read and less bulky. Your layout is also beeeeeautiful! Well done :)

First I gotta say is that I love your layout.
Very vibritant.

This right here, is my first ever Fall Out Boy Fanfic I have ever read. For some reason I truly dig it, I can't really say it's better then others; but this was written very well. I love how you had 2 endings, it reminds me of a dvd featurette; instead of a movie its a story. Also I haven't found any kind of grammar or spelling mistakes which is good.

I can't wait to see more from you
Great Job

First off, your layout totally brought me in. And then, your idea is awesome. It totally drew me in. I was a little nervous when comment swap gave me this, because I haven't read a FOB fic in a while and from what I remember, most of them were a little...eh....but this one is very different, and much more...I guess grown up? Death in the first chapter sets a different precedent. I enjoyed it very much!!!

I have never read a fall out boy fan fiction before. In fact I do not think I know any of their songs. XD So with that said, I was kind of hesitant at first about reading this. I think the story is written very well. Wow okay, I had no idea the guy was dead. That was really cool. Also it is really sad. 8( I like that you played the reader like that. I was wondering why I got so confused. Also I do not really care for the layout. I like the picture you got off I am assuming the guys from the band, but the colors are just really ugly in my opinion. 8P sorry to if I offended there. Okay just read the second chapter. You are really good at fooling the reader. Haha. Very cool! I was confused the whole time until you explained it to us at the end. I like your style of writing though. I wish I was as clever as you. At first I thought Trish was going to get with the guy but definitely have us fooled. I really enjoyed this. My first fall out boy fan fiction. 8)

Brilliant. Absolutely Brilliant. Quite honestly one of the best stories I've read in a long time. C: I loved the way it was written, I could have never guessed that Patrick was dead at the beginning. As for the two endings, I liked the first one. It gave me a sense of completeness, if you will. I absolutely adored the second one though it confused me at first. But Pete crazy? ad Patrick who may be a ghost or image? Brilliat. C: Very well done.

OHMYGOD. The feelings I got from reading this story. I swear, this was sakdhaskhjdkjahd amazing. It was like perfect, I honestly thought Patrick would join Pete's band and then BOOM. Like, that came as a total shock. You're a very good writer, keep it up.

-Jess xx

Okay so this is awkward... I just got this story on comment swap. So I'm not really sure what to write other than what I had previously written or if there's some sort of protocol we're supposed to follow in these instances. But anyways, loved the story and I can't wait to read your Brendon Urie one-shot!

I loved this! The idea is so intriguing and unique. I prefer the alternate ending but that would be the dark, twisted side of me coming out I guess. I quite like the concept of Pete's "insanity."

I was really into this. At first I was like wow, really creepy that he just creeps around. Then I was like I really hope he says yes to Pete and then I was like crying because he was dead and that's just not fair. I really enjoyed this, thank you for writing this!

Oh my god. If this were a story, I'd die. That was totally unexpected. I love this so much.

omg, I didn't mean that last bit (so far). lol good job.

The idea is so good! I'm hooked, honestly. But you might wanna make sure that you keep it in either past tense or present. You'd keep on going back and forth, I noticed. And Pete seemed a bit like a jerk at first, I mean jeeez. But yeah, it's really good so far.

Im sure trish thinks he's crazy but thats okay...i actually started crying. The song im listening to isn't helping either...Patrick finally got to finish his unfinished bussiness....i loved it

This is quite sweet, I must say. Pete being helpful without actually knowing what he was doing, and you didn't even describe what happened to Patrick in detail, but I still freaked out. Horrible. The end with Pete visiting Patrick's grave was wonderul. I really enjoyed this.