Believe in Me - Comments

Oh please have the mom lose. And it's called a restraining order.

First off, I will start off by saying that I do not know anything about Blood on the dance floor. But I have to say that this story is actually pretty good. I did notice that you jump around rather quickly. But I do like the way that you write. I like your characters and the way that you formatted your story. I would like to read another one of your stories about another band. But I will check back at this story when you update. Keep up the good work!

I love this story it utterly fantastic, I live the plot it's very orginal I also live who you wrote the blood on the dance floor guys, it makes it seem what they may actually be like. I have no faluts with this story, and I had already subscribed before I read it purely because it was a BOTDF story but I'm glad I did.

I'm gonna start out with the negatives here I guess before getting into the positives because I feel like it will sound better that way. First off, I am not a fan of BOTDF at all; I mean, that's the worst story I could get out of every topic and I was planning on skipping over and bullshitting the comment (that is wrong, I haven't done it, but I contemplated it) but I'm glad I took a read. Although the story jumps into her meeting BOTDF right off the bat without much background and then jumping into them asking her to hang, I do like the way you write. It's nicely set up and well formulated. I like the way you write and I'd love to take a read of another one of your stories on a different band. Even though the subject isn't for me, I don't think others would feel that way. Keep writing and I'll check back and take a read when you update again :)

thanks again for commenting. I'm thinking about going back and re-writing to actually help make sense of her problem with her mom, why her dad left them, and doing something different for chapter one. Not sure yet though...

This story has a really good plot. :) I don't know much about Blood on the Dance Floor, but your characters really captured my attention.

I did notice that you moved the story along rather fast, but other than that it was really good! :)

Keep up the good work!

I don't usually read band fiction stories and I don't know anything about the band or it's members, so I can't speak to how true they are to their real life personalities. I think you have a nice plot, though, and you write really well! I think Krystal is an awesome character, too!

thanks for the comments guys. when I actually get back on my home computer, I'll try and fix some things. One reason why I wanted my story on comment swap was so I could fix my mistakes. Before I had started writing this story I had another plot in my head, but things slip from my head a lot... I think I might to re-write the chapters up to make them more realistic and to explain why Krystal and her mother are fighting so much. Again thanks for the comments and the help. I know my stories aren't the greatest, and are flawwed, but thats why I wanted some comments up from random readers : ] no offence to my subscribers if you take that offensivly.

Oh! One other thing. Perhaps you could delve deeper into the relationship that Krystal has with her mother? Why are they fighting in the first place? What set them off? Little things like that help a great deal.

mellon coloured. had some good points. The main thing I would say is that the way you sort out your writing, it's a bit listed. It doesn't flow as well as it could, you get me? I know I do the same thing with some of my writing, especially the ones from a while back.

Also, maybe add a little more description to the narration. How is she feeling? You've stated that she's a bit freaked, but maybe explain that more.

wow, as terrible as this sounds, i don't like krystal. at all. the fact that she was so rude to her mother is terrible, and then that she just sort of says fuck it doesn't seems responsible at all. and the likelihood of that ever happening is so slim- perhaps introducing a better premise for that happening would've worked better?

also, it's a tip for online writing: when you have dialogue, you set it up like:
“Jayy we have company! I hope your dressed and ready to meet someone new!” Dahvie yells. The person I am guessing is Jayy walked out into the room.

He looked drunk. “You bastard! You brought another skank here?” He yells. Definitely drunk.

“No Jayy! My God! I found us a new merch girl!” Dahvie says.

“Yeah, sure, and is this one going to quit for the same reason the last one did?” Jayy asks. I did not want to be hanging around this man when he was drunk.

you separate it so it's easier on the eyes and it helps it make a lot more sense, i promise. i'm not sure if i like this or not - comment swap sent me here - but i mean, it's not terrible. it's got potential, but you might want to make it a touch more... realistic?

I'm loving this so far. C: Subscribed. Hope you think of something awesome! :D

Its called a restrainiing order... but I love this so subscribing!!

well i have a good feeling that this is going somewhere good [:

well i have a good feeling that this is going somewhere good [:

thanks : ] I'll be trying to post another chapter up tomorrow, but like I said, I have no clue where the stories going right now. I have an idea of what her mother's going to do though

Really like it

lol thanks for commenting : ] hope your enjoying the story!

first comment !! yes!!