Who Needs A Hero? I'll be Your Villain. - Comments

ERRMAIGERD! lervin it!

@ Xxpunkfreak13xX
Thank you :)

Mmmmm I love both of the stories so far, I can't wait for more

Aw I loved it! I hope he learns to stop fighting it and love who he is! Maybe then he wouldn't be so mean to people :p

Aw I loved it! I hope he learns to stop fighting it and love who he is! Maybe then he wouldn't be so mean to people :p

It's awesome how you took the characters from the first story and changed the tone with their relationship, I don't think I have seen anyone do that before!! It's a great idea! I can't wait to read more, it's amazing so far!

I havent read the prequel but i really like this so far, its has a good story line with the bully in denial and taking it out on Ryley and i really can't wait to see where you take this. Always a fan of a good slash :)

Honestly, I usually don't read slashes and just like the cOmment below I got yOur story off of comment swap, but as I started reading, I became enticed. I love the sorry so far. It has this raw edge to it and i really can't wait to read what happens next!

The layout, I agree is kind of overbearing. There's so much going on that it's kind of hard to read. But overall with some minor grammatical errors fixed, you could be set! :)

I like how you're giving another scenario for the whole story. I admit I got this story from the comment swap but the summary piqued my interest and then it confused me so I went and read the 'prequel' of sorts and then read this. It's good and I'm interested in how you're going to take this story. I do agree with some of the others comments but the story is really good and I can't wait to read more! I do love the comic book references and everything. And the cliffhanger ending in the last chapter is just NOOOO WHY!?!?!?!?

um, hm. your story isn't bad but I find a good deal of things that could make it a million times better.

first of all, this is nothing personal, but your layout is..very immature? or something and I can't bring myself to like it,

secondly, I wouldn't start the story off so quick. you have to show us how things usually are before you can show us how they're becoming.
thirdly, this guy would have to gradually start feeling things rather than all of a sudden just be like "damn I want to fuck him yeah shit oh no I'm a fag"
thats not realistic at all

and lastly, in the last chapter you wrote one second he was masturbating in a chair and the next second he had fallen asleep and had a wet dream while in his bed? it just didn't make any sense at all.

there were also a few grammar errors and proof reading probably wouldn't hurt.

your writing isn't bad at all, in fact I like the way you write. but now that you've got the ability to write well down, you need to learn how to write realistically and maturely.

good luck and keep on writing! <3

Okay! Admitted, only read one chapter. Admire your bravery here in droppin' the 'fag' bomb. I am a man who respects things like that. Anything that can hit your audience and make em feel something either good or bad is a good thing... And I feel the character using it would undoubtedly use that word... Okay, I do agree with the previous comment here. You do sort of make a few comma errors. (Even though their correction has a typo. "I replied, feeling a... should be as like you had it... I digress) I'm lying if I say I've never done that before. Also watch for capitalization... You tend to not capitalize I... Its not a big thing... But... Its there. Interesting story though. Keep working on it.

What really got my attention was your title. I love it! The story is good all on its own. But I do have some critical things to point out: There are a few grammatical errors, like spelling and misplacing of commas in dialogue.

For example: "You heard me", I replied feeling as though I had a power over him that I never possesed before.

Instead, try this: "You heard me," I replied, feeling a though I had a power over him I had never possessed before.

But other than the few errors, this seems to be a promising story! Keep writing!!! :)