Beastly Beautiful - Comments

Hey,
I just found your story and I'm loving it! Super good start and really good cliff-hanger. Please update soon, since I look forward to reading more!

Hi, I'm from the Comment Swap.
Your summary is definitely intriguing! There are a few grammar issues (your/you're), but nothing huge. One thing I am curious about is Drake's true feelings and whether or not he's a trustworthy narrator or if he's lying when he says he doesn't love the sorceress? If he is lying, you might want to try to make that conflict more obvious. This seems like a very interesting take on the Beauty and the Beast!

When I went on I couldn't read the words. I think your layout glitched because in able to read your story I had to highlight the page to see the words. I think you should get a better layout because the purple and red don't look to nice (this is only my oppinion). I agree with the comment below me. Keep on editing and you'll be fine!

I like this. Maybe get a beta, improve your vocabulary a bit. It could be great. Just keep editing, improving it, and adding things. I think it could be really nice, depending on what you do with it. You should possibly make sure the character's personalities and vocabulary all fit together nicely though..

I thought this story was good! The plot is definitely there and the characters have a life of their own! They have a lot of personality and stay true to themselves throughout most of the story. I think you did a good job writing this! Just keep on editing and improving!

Generally good, but I think you need to improve your vocabulary. Nice dark little elements, and I think if you went through this again and edited this with the aid of a thesaurus, it'd be very, very good.

I think this story has potential but it kind of seems like a fanfic of Beastly, so perhaps you should change the type of story this is?

It can be kind of hard to read the text on the text of the layout, but other than that I believe that layout is really good and suits the story. So if you remodel, perhaps even moving the image to somewhere else, would keep the look you have and solve the problem :)

I actually felt that you should pay a bit more attention to the dialogue and use of wording. It seems like the type of character you are creating wouldn't use words like, "bring it." Or at least, it's doubtful that a king would use such words. Perhaps using a thesaurus could help you with this or just thinking about your characters some more, and make sure that what they are saying int eh story matches up to their personality/background.

However, with work I think this could become something really interesting, so I hope you continue to work on it and bring about something really amazing!

I'm not going to lie, I thought this was going to be really bad, but I actually like it! The dialogue is really interesting and I had this very dark, absurd feeling when I was reading it. I really like when I get dragged in to a story and that happened here. Good job!

It's a little difficult to read the words over the other words in the background.

There's a major shift in the narrative voice that jars me slightly. There are such heavy, beautiful, almost dated words mixed with such modern, crude things. I don't know if you're intending it, but it makes me think the narrator tries to sound like a gentleman and then is really just a teenaged boy.

I also have to say, if this is meant to be historical, the language doesn't fit. And the whole 'dating' thing made me feel weird. Commoner and dating? It's called courting if it's meant to be back then.

I think maybe a beta could help pick up some of those inconsistencies for you because the storyline shows potential.

The idea seems pretty interesting so far, although I don't know much about it yet.

You’ve never been able to really tell me you’re true feelings. you're should be your in this sentence.

You will not die, or age, but face this hell on earth forever. I really like this line because I definitely agree with the whole "death is not the worst punishment" aspect of it.

“Time’s sure are hard.” I mutter under my breath. Time's should be times.

“No! There’s a creepy man in a mask! What should I do?" Haha, I like that line.

Overall I think you could really have something going here, as the idea behind this is interesting. I do suggest that you proofread this some more, as I did spot a few mistakes here and there.

This is actually a really good story, which I was surprised to find out. I thought it would be some horribly written, cliche romance, but this is really thought out and very well written. I give you props for shocking me like that. Hope you continue.

-Greg.

Ah I just saw that part haha! I love Sage's reaction :) "Help! There's a creepy man in a mask!"

Well I mean, she did go into a potion shop... haha Yeah, Isis is going to definitely cause tention in both their lives from here on out. :)

Interesting! I'm not really sure what is going to happen next with Isis. I assume she's the witch? Sage didn't even question that she was brewing a potion xD

Thanks :) I'm almost done with Chapter 2 haha

so far so good :) i will keep an eye on this one!