Ghost Girl - Comments

Hey! So I notice that all the previous comments mention the whole grammar/mechanics ordeal. I know that you address the issue in the summary and actually, it's not as horrendous as I anticipated. That being said, I would be more inclined to read if you at least started to make smaller changes like capitalizing, but that's left to you.

As for content, I think you have a really good idea. That being said, I don't know if it's due to the formatting or the subject matter, but I find myself getting lost. For me personally, there's a of things going on all at once and a lot of characters being introduced. Perhaps add more description, things to remember certain events and important characters by.

I don't know if you're still an active user, but I encourage you to continue and wish you the best of luck!

Okay, I know people have pointed out your grammar mistakes before, so I'm not going to do that again, but you really need to fix them if you want people to take your story seriously. If you don't take the time to edit your story, I don't think readers are going to take the time to read your story.
I think the concept for the story is good, but I didn't like the information dump at the beginning. I would have liked to see you give Paige's back story a little more elegantly instead of her just telling readers about her life.

Okay so I genuinely love the idea.

There's a few problems with the Grammer though.

Like for example you wrote:
''Once I went inside the house I walk past the mirror hanging in her hallway I have a glimpse of what I looked like the first thing I saw when I looked are my piercing green-blue eyes which everyone who can see ghosts has.''

It would be a lot more appealing if it were written like
Once I was inside the house, I walk past a mirror and catch a glimpse of myself. Stopping in my tracks, I turn to look directly into the mirror. The first thing I notice when I focus on the reflection is the piercing electric Green-Blue eyes that mean I had seen a ghost.

Also, when you're writing your dialogue don't forget to use caps for the beginning.

Everything the people below said. (:

I like the concept of the story. But I have a problem following it because of the mistakes, lack of punctuation and such (as some of the other commenters pointed out). I think once you have everything fixed, more people will read the story and leave more varied comments.

But anyways, I did enjoy reading the story.

the story has a great idea behind it, and i love the feel of it, but there are a lot of mistakes. nothing you can't fix easily, mind. just things like making sure sentences start with capital letters and things like that.

that aside, i enjoyed it more than i thought i would, the story is nice, and i really like how she speaks phonetically, which usually annoys me in stories, but worked here.

First things, first. The summary for this story need to be spell checked, and revised for grammatical errors. That's a big turn off for people, and some won't even go past the summary if they see mistakes like that.

I honestly had to force myself to keep reading, because the grammar mistakes in this story are mind boggling. You have a great talent for describing actions, but the lack of punctuation and capitalization, nullifies the effect. Please revise this story. its really good, and I want to read it but I can't.

This seems like a really interesting story but you need to go over it and edit it. First of all you need to put in capitals in the summary and make sure the grammar is perfect. Also in the actual content you need to double space your paragraphs so it's easier to read. You should try going into the forums for a beta just to read over it and make sure it's all correct and whatnot. But you should keep writing, it's really interesting!

awesome i cant wait to read more i really have a strong belief in spirits and the other side