Le Monde a Bien Changé - Comments

I'll be honest; I was a little confused about the backstory of this particular piece, and it wasn't until I saw the author's note that I knew what period you had decided to cover. I did a little Googling, and one of the pages resultant of that search told me that the Acadian deportation was a bit of a drawn-out process, so as a reader I would have appreciated a little more backstory than what I was given. I know the contest word count put a huge limit on what you could give us in the actual piece, but I really would have liked to know what was going on so that I knew what I was reading.

Aside from that, however, I feel that this was a little rushed. Other users pointed out the timeskip issue; women back then definitely would not know if they were pregnant or not until their first missed period or until they started to show, as there weren't pregnancy tests in that time. So that is definitely an issue that needs fixing. Also, from what I read, the people of Acadia were sort of given a taste of what was to come (and I know that sounds terrible, but I couldn't think of another way to word it, so I apologize), so the soldiers knocking at her door might not have been such a surprise.

I think most of the issues in this piece are time-lapse-related, and also related to the backstory issue I pointed out up top. I know it's incredibly difficult to write a historical piece in 2,000 words or less, but this story could use a little beefing up before it becomes what I'm sure you intended it to be. Kudos, though, on writing on such a historically interesting event. I had never heard of this, and I think I'm going to do a little research on it now. Thank you for entering this piece in our contest!

I really like that you chose to explore your own country’s history and agree with you when you said it’s important to remember your own history. We learn from our mistakes, right?

I did find the layout to be distracting, perhaps colours not so bright would not distract from the story line? I agree with MST1987 about the narrator’s pregnancy. Maybe a larger timeframe was necessary. Personally (because I don’t know much about Acadia) I would have liked a little bit that perhaps explained something about where it is. By the titles I’m assuming they speak French but is it near France? or someplace that speaks French? Scratch that, I just read your from Canada. I understand more now. Also ignore that last comment, it didn't seem to let me edit it. Sorry. :|

The plot itself is quite good and it covers a historic event that I was not really aware of, so it gives it a unique edge. Also it’s your history so it has that personal link as well. While I don’t speak any French myself I like that you chose to accentuate the writing with French titles and snippets of French in her dialogue, though it may be confusing if you don’t speak it. This and the statement that she knew little English seemed to further emphasise her confusion. I can’t believe they burned the Church; history is brutal.

I’m saying all this as constructive criticism and hope you take it as such.

I really like that you chose to explore your own country’s history and agree with you when you said it’s important to remember your own history. We learn from our mistakes, right?

I did find the layout to be distracting, perhaps colours not so bright would not distract from the story line? I agree with MST1987 about the narrator’s pregnancy. Maybe a larger timeframe was necessary. Personally (because I don’t know much about Acadia) I would have liked a little bit that perhaps explained something about where it is. By the titles I’m assuming they speak French but is it near France? or someplace that speaks French?

The plot itself is quite good and it covers a historic event that I was not really aware of, so it gives it a unique edge. Also it’s your history so it has that personal link as well. While I don’t speak any French myself I like that you chose to accentuate the writing with French titles and snippets of French in her dialogue, though it may be confusing if you don’t speak it. This and the statement that she knew little English seemed to further emphasise her confusion. I can’t believe they burned the Church; history is brutal.

I’m saying all this as constructive criticism and hope you take it as such.

I'm intrigued by the story, as this isn't a period I know much about, however I think there are a couple of problems. Firstly, she's pregnant after a single week? That seems very unrealistic, and was somewhat immersion breaking. Even if, for the sake of argument, she was, how would she know so soon? Secondly, she uses the word "finally" for a wait of a week. That seemed a bit over the top. Also, after the week long gap, she's repeating to us some of the details that we'd already had explained in the first section. That kind of repetition is somewhat unnecessary. Thirdly, I didn't understand this sentence "They told me my husband would find me with the help of the British Soldiers." I was under the impression that the soldiers were trying to separate them, not help them find each other. Also, in addendum to that, you exchange "English" and "British" interchangeably. Choose one or the other. Fourth, the sentence "Urging me to go faster, they broke many things in the house". Go faster where? It isn't really made clear. Fifth, I couldn't understand how a very young woman (given the seeming immaturity of the character, I'm guessing very young indeed) could fight her way through so many soldiers.

There are many good things about the story, the desperation and fear are captured well as a starting point, but I think you can build on this more.