Road to Hell - Comments

Came from Comment Swap! Frankly I never watched Silent Hill movie or played a game, but I decided to read a story! Two chapters (which have names probably of two characters) for me was pretty good experience and I liked that story. I'm waiting for more Your stories!

Came from Comment Swap! I am not a fan of Silent Hill but as I read your first two chapters I really enjoy your two main characters and how they work off of each other and in the environment that they are in. I also really like your layout, it's so fitting for your fic. Keep up the good writing!

I've never actually read a Silent Hill fic before. I'm glad I picked this one as my first as I really enjoyed it. I got super stoked when Murphy made an appearance. Can't wait to read more from you guys.

Here for your request from my candy bowl!

HOLY SHIT. I shouldn't have read this at 3:30 in the morning and now, I'm too scared to even go to the toilet. This is effing creepy and honestly, Silent Hill was one of the movies which scare me tremendously. No joke.

That aside, I realised that this is a collaboration between two authors. I like the way that both of you wrote in such a way that the flow was smooth and not disruptive, something which I always look into when doing co-writes. I find no fault in your grammar, so kudos for having such a brilliantly written, horror story!

Unnngggghhhh I will not sleep tonight. I can't sleep. Omgomgomg. I should not read this at night. This is scary shit, okay? I cannot..i cannot...there are no words... AHHH I need to get out of heereeee!!

Awesome update!!! I almost thought her twin was dead you had me there until I carried on reading. I can't wait for your next update! ^.^

Wow, I really enjoyed it!! I hope you continue on with this story. I'm a really big fan of the video games. It totally gave me the goosebumps; especially having to read this late at night lol.

Wow. Comment swap really wanted me to talk about this story again. But I already did that! It was awesome! So now I will rant about your layout. It's beautiful. I like the mystery and especially that picture. It's really cool. Okay, I'm done. :)

They layout completely drew me in before i even had the chance to have a look at the story, it's really cool, I'm loving how it's wrote in the first person always my favourite, it's a really interesting story, you should be proud!

As mentioned before, my gosh that layout picture just creeps me out. I mean it really sets the mood for the story. I'm a horror buff and so much ran through my head when I saw it.

What I'm liking about this piece straight away is that even though it's written in first person, you're not overusing the word 'I'. Oh how I hate that word. It should be illegal in first person stories... somewhat anyway, ha,ha. Not totally.

I also love how when writing these chapters you sound like the characters are actually telling a story. There's not fancy, over the top, poetic phrasing. Just general this is how it happened.

You've got good grammar and great sense of separating paragraphs. You use punctuation well. I would have liked more description though. I'd like to have seen what they saw. The kinds of tress, smells, people etc,.

Well written and interesting though.

The picture for the banner is amazing! I love this story!! the spooky and dark side to it is fantastic! There are no errors or any significant problems. It pulls in the reader so well!! Please keep writing because I am subscribing! :D

The picture for the banner is amazing! I love this story!! the spooky and dark side to it is fantastic! There are no errors or any significant problems. It pulls in the reader so well!! Please keep writing because I am subscribing! :D

Summary: At first when I read the description I was a little put off. I thought, twin girls modeling? But it seemed very interesting, I mean, how much trouble could two princesses get in?

Layout: This definitely makes the whole story seem a bit spookier. I absolutely love the picture you chose as your banner; it’s so creepy that it’s perfect. The background is a tad pixilated though. But that doesn’t really matter all that much. My initial first impression after seeing this layout and summer is that I have to read on.

Story: I immediately fell in love with their characters. It’s obvious that they’re close and similar in some ways. I think you should add more descriptions about them because the only thing that we, as your readers, know about their past is what you mentioned in the description. You stated that one girl never cries but that doesn’t really make us see the severity of the situation. You could write a paragraph describing how one day when she did something wrong her father took bamboo sticks to her calves and she didn’t cry. Obviously that didn’t happen (that’s what my father did to me instead of spanking.) It allows your reader to understand how strong that character is so that when she does break down and cry, we know something serious is happening.

I like how the café changed from being full of people to full of dead people. That was really eerie and cool. Not many people can pull off setting a scary backdrop but you did pretty good. Rest assured, I’m so subscribing to this.

Grammar: Nothing serious as far as I could tell. You’ve got good spelling, punctuation and such. Unlike some stories I’ve read.

Since this is for comment swap, I'll only be commenting on the first chapter :)

I must say that although I'm a huge fan of the games, I've never stumbled across a Silent Hill fanfic, so getting this for a swap was definitely refreshing. The thing that stood out the most to me was probably the dialogue between the two sisters. I thought it flowed perfectly, and I could easily hear the conversation and banter between Sherry and Shauna. I also enjoyed the use of foreshadowing at the end of the chapter, and I thought it was a great allusion to the universe of the game and a spot-on method of bringing this opening chapter to a close.

My only suggestion as far as concrit goes is that I would've loved to have read more description just in general. It was difficult for me to visual the setting or the characters themselves because there wasn't really anything for me to work with on that aspect.

Overall, this was definitely an enjoyable read, and I wish you guys nothing but the best as you continue working on this fic :)

I have never read a better horror story introduction on Mibba, ever. Usually when I read horrors I don't feel much but this actually creeped me out haha
Your writing is really good; the relationship between Shauna and Sherry is completely natural, the way that two sisters act in real life. I also really like your descriptions on facial changes (like the waitress) and the scenery.
I definitely want to read more, can't wait for the update!! :))

Really good story so far. I liked the way you were able to, not only build up the tension, but keep it up throughout the story. The relationship between the two sisters feels really natura. I'm really looking forward to reading some more. Keep going! :) (Sorry for posting twice, I hit submit and then remembered that I wanted to mention something else. :S )

Really good story so far. I liked the way you were able to, not only build up the tension, but keep it up throughout. I'm really looking forward to reading some more. Keep going! :)

I really enjoy your story, especially how you described the reationship between Sherry and Shauna through their dialogue especially. You kept me interested all the way through and I would love to see more updates! Keep up the good work! :)

Woah. I wanna start off by saying, I really like your layout. Did you make it recently? This new layout maker messed up all my other ones, so I'm amazed by how good yours looks right now. Anyway, story, it was a good start. It kept me interested so that's always good! haha. Keep it up :)