Ezekiel - Comments

Comment swap! So far so good. I feel bad for Ezekiel (I have an uncle with the same name. Weird!). Sometimes it's a little hard to understand what's going on, but it fits because of the character that's narrating it. If everything was crystal clear, then he wouldn't be questioning his sanity.

I'm assuming their in a mental hospital, right? because if they are, then I have one little critique. I feel like the patients wouldn't be sleeping on a cot. They'd probably sleep on a twin bed (maybe one that has wrist and ankle straps attached to each end of the bed). Sleeping on a cot feels more like a jail than a hospital.

Other than that, I think the story's great so far. Keep it up! :)

Poor guy having to be put on drugs cause people think he is crazy. Although, he does seem crazy...no offense to him!

I think you have a good story so far and I will read and comment on the other chapters later. Forgive me for retiring early!

Keep on writing :)

I am just doing some editing in the beginning of this comment, if you don’t mind:

they lingered in the chilled air, choking me.

“they” should be capitalized.

there was a loud ticking rang in my ears

“Rang” should be “ring”.

He’s coming.
He’s my nightmares, my fears and my hopes.

There should be another space between those two paragraphs.

Voice strained from screaming I notice tears falling, am I crying?

This sentence would be better if written like this: Voice strained from screaming, I notice tears falling. Am I crying?

I do like the first chapter and how it was so gripping and didn’t need any fancy dialogue to be amazing. Although, I admit some parts confused me such as what the character is feeling. He says that the memories scared him of the woman being beaten to death, yet he says he loved the way blood trickled down her head. It just confused me.

Over-all, this is a unique story as far as I can tell. I have yet to read something like this. On Mibba, anyway. I am off to read the next chapter!

I love it and I'm not even through with the third paragraph. I love love love the sentence, A life so fragile, stolen from my life and forever planted in my heart.
I can already tell that this story is going to be interesting and I'm excited to see what you'll come up with next.
There were, however, some places, especially towards the end where I lost the line of thought a little bit. I think it was intentional, but you kind of have to keep in mind that we are not inside of your head, so you can keep the crazy parts straight, but we're just lost in the trees.

That was amazing.
I loved the update. (:

I love this. Good job. please update soon ;p

Awh! I love the ending of chapter five. So emotional[:
Keep up the great work, this is an amazing story.

I'm very interested in this:) Haven't read anything like this in a long time. I love how it is written.

I love how dark this is.
Soo amazing.
I liked this chapter a lot too.
I can't wait to see what happens with them.

Love the detail as always.
The darkness of it all make's me dying for more.
This amazing. Update soon? : P

Wow. This is very detailed. It's a little hard to follow at times but I get the point of it.I think maybe it is supposed to be that way? The character is very formed already in the first chapter.

I alright get the idea that he is just a tormented soul who has had way too long to dwell in the darkness of his own mind. I really like these types of characters, because there is a little of them in all of us and to bring them out into stories is just fascinating. :) Good job! I really liked it. Have a wonderful day. :)

Wow. I can't wait to see what else happens.
I'm lost for words how amazing and like a thrill ride this is.
It keeps me reading from start to end without skipping lines.
I can't wait to see what happens with them.

Gah! I love love love Avery and this story is so great! I wish it would never end!
I just want to read it over and over again. I love it.
You're so talentedddddd<3

Anyway, this is really well written. It's not exactly my cup of tea, but at a technical stand point, it is a very good story. It is slightly intriguing to me though. Maybe post a few more chapters and then I'll fall in love? (:
Anyway, keep writing. (:

Wow. You write this so well.
Love it. I can't wait to read more.
You write better then me. :P

Whoah. This is... I absolutely love this.
It's so interesting and suspenseful and i just read it and it's like. . . So emotional and great.
Keep up the good work, honeydew(:

Oh, this is wonderful. I love it.
I'm intrigued. I remember how you used to write, years ago. This, this story here, is some of your best stuff. More mature and thought out than the stuff we'd pass back and forth in class, thinking "Man, this is amazing."
Well if that stuff was amazing, then this is just. . . Perfect.
<3

Oh, this is wonderful. I love it.
I'm intrigued. I remember how you used to write, years ago. This, this story here, is some of your best stuff. More mature and thought out than the stuff we'd pass back and forth in class, thinking "Man, this is amazing."
Well if that stuff was amazing, then this is just. . . Perfect.
<3

I honestly love Ezekiel. His character is beautifully written, and the reader can really get inside of his head and see who he is. The story seemed a bit eerie to me, and the layout only added to that creepy feel. This line really resonated with me: But we are all sick, so sick. It sent shivers up my spine. Just an excellent bit of writing. I loved every bit of this. It was bloody brilliant.

I love the repetition of the 'sick, sick, sick'. It makes it quite creepy, I think. This is really well written, and you definitely created a very interesting character out of Ezekiel. I'm interested to see where you go with this :)