Another Place, Another Time - Comments

I got here from Comment swap.
Firstly, I'll say that this is different from everything I've read before, but in a good way! You're a very interesting writer, I really liked the way you plotted this out. I do think though, that some of your descriptions are lacking. Also some of your dialogue is... I don't know how to say it, possibly a bit cheesy. But over all, it's good.

Found through comment swap... Very interesting story. I'm surprised you did this for an assignment! You can tell there is a lot of effort put into this piece. The proper usage of grammar is really refreshing, too, since you see so many stories out there that just don't flow right. Overall a captivating and interesting story! :)

I found this through Comment Swap, and boy am I glad I did! This is very unique, and I really like it! It's hilarious, and I like your style of writing. I like how even when it's not dialogue, you still have that sort of country writing, which is awesome because it's still the character's thoughts and I think it's great. I've never been to a place where people ride bulls, or known a bull rider. And it sounds like pretty intense stuff! I love how you describe everything, it's very helpful at times! Great job! I love it!

Comment swap

This is not at all what I'd usually read, that being said that's probably why I wasn't very connected to it. I think that you should describe more of the scenery, whats happening, and how Lane feels. That was the biggest thing that I thought was missing. A lot of the dialog is kind of cheesy too. Nothing wrong with a little cheese now and then but this was a little much for me. I think that if you had the right person reading it though they'd like it!

So I found this through comment swap and though this isn’t really my kind of story, it seems really interesting. The structure and content is easy to read and the story is really well written, you’re a talented writer and people seem to enjoy this story(: Keep writing ^.^

While I've agreed with Valiente before, I'll have to disagree on this one. I think your a good writer and you've captured the typical 'Cowboy Casanova' with the main character. I have no complaints with this story other than the fact that I'd really wish you would customize your background. Sorry, its just one of the things that bug me. Keep writing!

This is really well written. I'll give you that much. However, I feel like this story is just making fun of bull riders and country boys. It seems very satirical and not at all as serious as it comes off to be in the summary. I have to say that I was a little disappointed. On the other hand, I think that if you keep working at it, this story will get much better. Don't give up. -A

This is well written, but honestly it's not something I would read. However, I appreciate it because it's pretty good. :) So good job and keep writing. I'm impressed. (sorry it cut off). You're extremely detailed and that's very good. And, your dialog fits well in with the story. :) So, yeah once again keep writing and working at it.

This is well written, but honestly it's not something I would read. However, I appreciate it because it's pretty good. :) So good job and keep writing. I'm impressed.

Oooh. I know so very little of cowboys and rodeos, but this seems quite on-the-spot. I like how you know "everything about everything". It gives your story a sense of realism that I enjoy. :D

I like Lane Vanders, he seems like a cool guy, but the thing with him is that you put so little emotion in him when it comes to "the real world". Its as if he can feel nothing unless its related to the rodeo. I dont even feel his love for the cowgirl, or his attachment to anything at all but the bulls. Its kindoff disturbing. o.o

I love the little cowboy sayings you put in there. The little similes and metaphors that we dont normally hear, like "because apparently, like elephants, a cowboy never forgets" or "Thats Lane Vanders, the ballerina". It gives the story a nice cowboy taste, along with the accent-thing you had going. Those are really, really good.

Is this the end of the story? Because I dont think thats a good ending for such an awesome story. Rodeo is his life, unless he absolutely CANT ride anymore then he doesnt look like someone who'd stop. So whats up with that?

Other than that, great job. I love your work. ^^

Like everyone else, not something I'd read normally, but this is well written and I, surprisingly, like it. c: You seem to really know what your talking about, but I've never once watched a rodeo, so I have no idea, but you seem legit, hon. c; Ha, ha. I found the first paragraph rather amusing. So many apostrophes. Ha.

But, anyway. Overall, this was awesome. Just watch your comas and periods. Those sort of things. Like,

Charlie Hicks, great bull rider, greater mentor.

Could be Charlie Hicks: great bull rider, greater mentor. or Charlie Hicks; great bull rider, greater mentor. Since I'm not an expert grammar wiz, I'm not 100 percent about the latter, but it's something I probably would do, depending on how the effect I was going for.

Good luck on this. c:

comment swap brought me here. i personally wouldn't read this but i'm glad i came across it. i like the story and i like the way you've played with the words. aside from a lack of commas, i do think the story progresses a tad quickly. otherwise, superb

comment swap brought me here. i personally wouldn't read this but i'm glad i came across it. i like the story and i like the way you've played with the words. aside from a lack of commas, i do think the story progresses a tad quickly. otherwise, superb

Some things that caught my eye when I was reading...

"Why yes[,] ma'am."

"Come on[,] girls[,] ..."

2 >> two

[Converse]

"Yes[,] ma'am." > Whenever you address someone, there should be a comma around their name, or in this case, the "ma'am."

"Good luck[,] Lane..."

"Happy eighteenth[,] Lane."

Before I forget, I like his name and the history behind it. Makes this feel more realistic.

...before anyone notices what[']s going on.

"Okay, okay[,] boys!"

I like the cocky/nervous play you have going on with Lane's attitude, like when he toys with the girls, and then when he's talking to the bull. It makes him seem really three dimensional and human.

I also quite like the idea. I was kind of skeptical when I started but by the end I was pretty into it XD

The writing was pretty good, aside from what I pointed out. There were some commas missing, like before the names.
"Did you do the homework Sara?" >> Wrong
"Did you do the homework, Sara?" >> Right

Other than that, all was pretty good. It had a good flow, and good pace.

I really enjoyed this and best of luck with writing it :D

xxx Bee

First, I'd like to say that this seems to be an interesting story. Personally not something I'd read normally, but hey, I think that's what Comment Swap is all about now; discovering new stories that you wouldn't normally read. Your writing seems to be very good and I can't seem to find any big errors. I'd have to suggest that you change your layout. It's too dark and therefore hard to read and readers don't particularly enjoy it. That is all. (: