Dial Tone. - Comments

Comment swap brought me here.
I adore your style of writing, and even though this is an incredibly sad story, i loved it. Well done.

Brought here by comment swap.

It's a sad story. The topic of suicide hits close to home for me. :( A bottle of advil doesn't really kill you though and not in 15 mins. Aside from that the story is good. Good dialogue. :3 Nice job writting it. Would have liked to see a bit more written, to see the story be a bit more developed to have a bit more of a background.

Comment Swap brought me here.

This is very sad, I almost cried reading halfway through it. I knew it was about suicide but I didn't think she'd actually do it and when I realized she had taken the pills, my heart dropped and I hoped with everything that Brandon would be able to save her. The layout kind of adds to it, I've read some stories that were dad but had this too bright layout that just didn't make it feel sad at all but this did. I'm not sure if it Muir be too dark for others to read but I cloths read it just fine.

For it to be a story completely made up of dialogue and no description, you cloud picture things perfectly as if there still were, I've never seen that before, but I liked it, that was very interesting.

Comment Swap

This is a beautifully sad piece. It's extremely well written, and it's hard to say that I love it because of the subject matter. Okay, I love your writing. But holy shit, hon, an insanely good piece about something very delicate. Excellent. Really. I'm going to go check out your other work now.

HOUWLIE SHAIT

This was impressive. Thanks comment swap. I was NOT expecting this. I got goosebumps. It has a lot more dialogue than anything else, but it was amazing, yo. I got goosebumps, GOSH. When she said, "I killed myself fifteen minutes ago" I was like And when he's over trying to help and and I'm guessing she died.

This was very interesting though. I'm recommending.

Oh my gosh, this gave me chills and I'm still not breathing right. It's perfct. I really think it is. At frist when I saw the length I thought it be a little short, but it is perfect. I don't even know what to say, so I think I'll stop here... But... Thank you.

I've never really read a story that was told just through dialogue. Never have done that myself but I imagine it must be hard trying to communicate the emotions to the readers. For me though, the emotions did not communicate. I liked what you did with only dialogue but I wasn't connecting to it. There just needs to be more development of the characters or something that makes me emotional attached to them. As it is, they just seem there.

On another note, the characters were nicely executed throughout the story. You brought them to live with just conversation. Nicely done on that.

I almost wanted to cry at the end, because the words just attacked me. Yeah, we didn't know much about Isabelle and Brandon, but you could come up with how their lives were. Brandon's was like a normal loving household while Isabelle's was a jumbled mess where she couldn't start putting the piece's together; least of all she couldn't find where to start putting her own family together. It ultimately led her to her own demise.

In one-shot's sometimes you can just tell how a character's life is compared to a fully written story where their life is laid out for the reader, and, sometimes, it makes a person frustrated when there isn't any description, and only dialogue to go by. Especially for a Dialogue Contest.

I really liked this, and I will be Recommending it.

I found it alright.

It's pretty hard to make me cry in comparison to most girls I know (I've never cried reading a book, and I've only almost-cried watching a handful - fewer than five - movies), so maybe I'm a little hard to move, but to be honest I didn't feel anything reading this.

I don't mean to be mean, I mean, it's not bad, but I think the main reason why I didn't feel upset at the end is because I didn't get to see enough of both characters. I didn't feel sad for Isabelle because I don't know her at all. There wasn't enough character development, but that's something hard to achieve in a one-shot, so that's not your fault. I'd say a scene like this would be better if there was more before it.

Personally, I found Izzy a little too... stoic. Too emotionless. I get that she was fed up with life and didn't give two shits anymore, but I feel like she still should've shown a little more emotion. I feel like she should've broken down, or something. That would've made her more relatable, in my opinion.

I mean, she's literally killing herself. Don't people commit suicide out of desperation? When you can't stand being in this hell of a world anymore; when being nothing would be better than being what you are, where you are. When you feel like there's really no point in life anymore, because the world will be the same without you whether you're there or not—hell, maybe the world would be better without you there. It's when you feel that no one in the world cares for you—or at least, cares enough. It's when you think that if you die today, barely anyone would actually cry, and even if a few do, they'd get over it quickly.

Or sometimes, it's a little selfish, because you're thinking sure, they'd be sad if you're gone, but so what? You're miserable enough as it is; you can't take it anymore. Why should you suffer just to protect them from being depressed? And they're not helping you out of depression now—even if they're trying to help, they're sure as hell not trying hard enough.

If I were in Izzy's position, I probably would've tried to act emotionless and stoic at first, but then at some point I'd start getting emotional—probably defensive, I'd probably say things like "Yeah? Well what the hell do you know? (and then what you wrote:) Your parents love you. You're not so scared…" And this is especially true if it's someone I close to, because it'd probably be easier for me to open up to and snap harshly at someone I was really close to. Then maybe at one point I'd start breaking down, my voice would start shaking and I'd start stuttering, maybe I'd be crying and hiccuping in between words… things like that.

I don't know, that's just my opinion based on personal experience (and a little imagination). I'm not saying you should've followed that exact approach, but that's just an example. And I mean, if she really was emotionless about it, I don't think she would've updated her Facebook status with a suicide note. Personally, if I didn't give two shits anymore, I'd do it silently, suddenly. Updating her Facebook status sounds like she's asking for attention; if she wanted to leave a suicide note, she could've left a handwritten one next to her, or mailed a letter to someone, or something. And if she's asking for attention, then well, she's probably not very stoic about it.

And, if I were Brandon, I would've just driven over to her. I would've been talking to her on the phone while already driving to her house, regardless of whether she was actually going to die or not, just so I could stay up with her and keep her company, or something. Make her feel like she's not alone. If he really cared that much about her, I feel like he should've done something like that. Well, I guess maybe he thought it wasn't that serious; maybe he didn't know she was so upset, considering how he was asking whether everything was okay. Maybe she hid it well.

But if he really was her best friend, he should've been able to tell that she wasn't her usual self, right? Well, if she's an incredible actress, I don't blame him. But there's also the fact that they'd made a promise beforehand, which shows that he probably knew she was upset before; this means she probably opened up to him, or he could tell something was off with her, and made her promise that. Even if she was upset in the past, and acted like she was over it, he might've been able to tell that she wasn't? He shouldn't immediately believe that she was over it. And I mean, he doesn't seem all that gullible; he was all, "Don't lie to me", after all.

So if he already knew she was so upset, I think he should've taken more drastic measures. Or at least, he should've seemed more desperate..? I mean, he sounds desperate at the end, but I think he should've sounded more desperate from the very start. Things like "Izzy, please, just listen to me, I'm begging you", or something… Meh, I really don't know.

Oh, and also, I feel like the transition from him on the way to him reaching her was a little too quick. Like, I feel like he should've taken longer to reach there, lol. I don't know, that part kinda confused me, because he was talking about hanging up but it seems like he never did…? :/

I know I read into your story too much (aha, sometimes I do that…), and I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. But I hope that my criticism's constructive and that you understood what I said (because sometimes I'm just really bad at explaining things… and if I contradicted myself I'm sorry too, I didn't proofread this comment. ._.). But don't take my words too seriously of course, I mean, this was all just my opinion after all. I'm not a good writer, I'd say, but I was commenting based on my opinions and feelings as a reader. All that I said was what I felt and thought as a reader.

I think you did a very good job portraying this in dialogue-only, though. And I think that considering its length, you did a pretty good job conveying each character's personalities. I mean, Izzy was all stoic and harsh, and Brandon was a little strict with her, which shows he was close enough to act like that. Also, I'd just like to say that I think Brandon is a bit of a failure at cheering up depressed people, lol. :p (I have a friend like that, but he's worse - not only does he say things like "it's not that bad" like what Brandon basically said, but he also cracks jokes at all the wrong times. -.-)

All in all, I think this was quite good. I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors—kudos to you for that! I think it was a good idea, but I just feel like you should've taken a slightly different approach and/or developed it more. But I think that you've got potential! And good luck for the contest! (I'm just a passerby reading random entries of contests that interest me, by the way.)

Oh, I'd like to point out one thing, though… The contest you entered - isn't it a rule that the conversation's supposed to be between two people in a room which has a table in it…? :/ I don't know. If you didn't notice that, maybe you should check it out just in case. Just thought I'd bring it up in case you weren't aware, or something. :)

Oh. And… sorry for the spam! Lol. My messages and comments are always wayyy too long...

While I feel like this could have been a little longer, to allow for a little more development - I felt as though there was some rushing to the plot points - I found this very moving. It's interesting to find a subject like this dealt with in such a new way.
I feel as though this would work well in the format of a play - perhaps some alternative theatre? and that it was well written, and you give a good sense of character in such a limiting format. Well written!

You DO NOT post Suicide notes on Facebook. Lesson learned.

You did a really good job telling the story using only dialogue. The ending was really sad and you did a good job conveying that emotion to your readers.
One thing you should fix: you shouldn't put a period at the end of your story title. It is unnecessary and your story can get reported for it.

I really don't know how to feel about this story. I don't really like the fact that the entire thing is written in dialogue, because you don't really get to know what's going on other than what the characters are saying. I also don't get how Izzy will slur once in the entire story, but she's automatically slurring. To me, it also doesn't seem too believable, but I've also dealt with more than one person who was suicidal, one actually committing suicide...I don't know...

Wow, what a powerful short story! It gave me chills! I also think you did a great job giving both characters a distinct personality in such a short amount of time and with only dialogue. It felt as though I was reading a real conversation. Very impressive!

I love the layout heaps, it's highly pretty :D

And this, actually, is gonna make me start mine soon! I also want to enter that competition. You just boosted me, thank you :D
But apart from that, the story is fabulous! The title is quite catch(: And the whole situation is really life like :o And it's nicely set out. Without any descriptive words, its still possible to see everything in your head and I love it. I just.... this is good. VERY good. Good? That's a terrible word. Lemme... FANTASTIC. Better than that. You better win.

That saying, Good luck in the contest!(:

This story is so wonderfully written! It starts out as just a phone conversation with a concerned friend but even using only dialogue I could relate to the characters and get a feel for their personalities and what they are like. It shows how their lives are different in just a few words rather than coming out and saying that B has it easy while Izzy faces many struggles on a daily basis. I’m very impressed with this story and I actually like that you didn’t really give it an ending. It leaves you hanging but leaves it open to interpretation. Did she die or did the paramedics save her? It could go either way. Overall, AWESOME! I’m impressed.

I love the layout<3
And the title made me think of the movie, "Dead Tone." which is about a prank call killer.
Comment swap brought me here. Fucking God, it's amazing. I read the summary and was like, "I don't think I'll like this." But as I read I found the dialogue very believable and the fact you entered this in a contest amazing, I bet you'll win.

i love the layout and wow, this is do well-written. brandon's emotions at the end are so well-portrayed. i didn't spot any grammatical mistakes i hope this has a second chapter i'm so curious to know if she makes it, i love this

Here for the comment swap:
Wow, this was so good. Even though it was only dialogue, I knew everything that was going on. I could even picture what was happening. It all felt like a tragic, death scene in a movie. It's so good. You wrote it really, really well. I love it. Excellent work.