Shallow Water - Comments

Alright, I like this. You have a good knack for detail, although you have a bad case of misplaced punctuation. Several of your periods and commas are at very weird and wrong places or missing where they should be. It really annoys me since grammar is one of the things I notice the most, especially bad one.

Now, that said, Everything else is pretty well. The characters are pretty likable, well-described without overloading it with meaningless descriptions. I will say that they feel a bit bland, but I am more of a fan of eccentric characters, so it's no fault on your part.

As for plot, I have no idea what's going on. Look like a ghost story of some sort involving the dead friend. It;s only five chapters in, so you have more to tell and I would really like to see what's next.

Overall, pretty decent story, even if your grammar is a little lacking and the people are a tiny bit bland. Good work.

I LOVED this first chapter. Allison seems really down to earth. But something tells me there's more to her than what meets the eye. I really love this story and I'm going to continue it. Keep up the good work Chey.

I LOVED this first chapter. Allison seems really down to earth. But something tells me there's more to her than what meets the eye. I really love this story and I'm going to continue it. Keep up the good work Chey.

the title is really intriguing & adds to the depth of it as the summary goes on. of course, opening the first chapter, i really liked seeing how there was a sense of innocence with caleb, allie, & other friends.

that's sure to end as the ending paragraph brings allie into contact with an unknown stranger. just the thought of someone whispering, "don't" just rises my creep factor through my paranoia feels. kudos on that!

i really adore your writing style, though i would state that you should try & combine sentences. it'll make the flow of your story go in a much nicer & cleaner slate.

this is your first story? wow, you're really talented. of course, you have a few grammatical errors that can be fixed through proofreading, but you're much more progressed than i was when i had started writing. good luck on this!

I loved your book sooo much! Being gay, I love reading any kind of lgbt books! So I approve and I thought it was great! I love getting new friend requests and ideas so send me one if you want to talk :) And if you could read my book "Into The Redwoods We Go" and comment/ and recommend or subscribe if you like it, that would be great! and I love your theme!

First off, I like the layout, a lot, and your descriptions are very good. I'm really intrigued by the plot line of this story. I feel like there are all sorts of directions you could take with this. There are a few minor mistakes; such as in the summary, there shouldn't be a quotation mark around the first little bit, because, from what I can tell, no one's talking yet. And in chapter one, when she wakes up, instead of saying, "I sat straight. My heart pounding..." etc; it should be, "I sat up straight, my heart pounding..." etc etc. But there are no egregious errors that make it hard to read. It actually flowed quite well. I'm definitely a fan. :)

Oh my god! I was crying during the fourth chapter. You're descriptions seem so real. Please update soon.( Even though you just did lol) I need my fix again.

I really like this concept. I like the idea of a girl who has other wordly powers and had difficulty controlling them and dealing with them.

I noticed in the first chapter you sometimes switch between past and present tense. I'm not sure if this was intentional.

Parts of the first chapter felt boring and monotonous, but when I got past those, the story got better.

I'm from comment swap. I only read the first chapter because I'm kinda in a rush right now. I really love how you're very descriptive. The plot seems to be a good idea if you execute it correctly which I think you will. I'm going to subscribe so I can read later. Check out one of my stories if you don't mind.

Thanks. :), I'll update a bit more, just to see where it goes. I'm having fun writing it xx

oh ps. Please continue!

oh ps. Please continue!

this is really interesting so far. i hope you keep updating!