A Thief's Kiss - Comments

{Comment Swap}
Wow, what a piece of writing. I read it in one go and it is truly beautiful. Your descriptions of the horrors of war were heart wrenching and you captured the raw emotion and desperation of the times perfectly. It reminded me of The Pianist in that way.
In particular, I loved the way you described the violence and gun shots as part of an opera and the way you wrote it was so lyrical; it added to the drama of the piece.
The one glaring thing that didn't sound quite right was:
"There lied Janek."
Personally, I think that would be better as "There lay Janek."
Your layout is great but I found the font size just a little too small but other than that it's great.
Overall a fantastically written piece I would say. :D

I loved your story a lot!! Really really fantastic!

Janek tasted his first kiss.

It tasted like war and bullets and dead siblings. It tasted familiar.

This right here, was literally one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I love how you're able to say that these three things happened without actually coming out and saying they did. Does that make sense?

You've got such a gorgeous way of writing; the perfect balance between figurative and literal devices. I found my heart hurting more and more with each chapter. I'm in love with this story so far, and I can't wait to read more. Keep up the excellent work. I'll be eagerly awaiting each new chapter. xx

I was heartbroken in chapter three when it went ''He didn’t get what was so funny when he got shot, either. But he still tried to laugh along.''
Also in chapter 5, the part where it says his chest smelled better than the rust and gunpowder.

This is packed with beautiful moments, I am shocked to have found something like this by coincidence through the comment swaps and I am overjoyed.

This story is actually amazing. The layout is beautiful, the chapters are the perfect size, and the plot is like crack. I can't wait until you post another chapter. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes, so keep up the good work over there. Honestly, I don't know what else to say. Just keep this up, hun. It's freaking beautiful.

(Comment Swap)

Layout - 5/5 stars. Je l'adore! It fits the mood of the story perfectly. It's not too busy, and it's very easy to read. Also, the picture you used at the top is really genius; it does an excellent job of setting the mood.

Grammar/Spelling - 4.5/5 stars. I noticed very few minor mistakes while reading through this story. I wish I had marked them, but I was so busy eagerly reaching for the next chapter that I forgot to note the mistakes. However, I can safely say that they don't really detract from the story any how. They're very tiny, and the story line is more than enough to keep the reader's interest regardless of a few mistakes.

Characterization - 3/5 stars. You spend a lot of time on detailing their surroundings and the horrors of war, and I feel the character's drop out of focus in a couple places. It's perfectly understandable, but when I finished the story, I couldn't really formulate an opinion on the character's themselves. I felt sympathy for them, a felt horrified as I thought about the true terror that was WWII, but I didn't really have any personalized opinion on either Janek or Luca. Your focus on the horrors of the war without really delving into their own thoughts and feelings has made the two boys secondary. To me, they seemed more like catalysts to push the reader to understand the tragedy of WWII, and didn't come off as creatures in their own right, so much as representations of something greater.

Writing Style - 4/5 stars. Your writing style is without a doubt utterly beautiful. The way you describe things is almost poetic. Your word choice is spot on, and the way you string sentences together creates a natural flow for the words. However, some of your choices in metaphors are a bit confusing, and occasionally, there would be a lot of beautiful words, but the meaning behind them seemed to have gotten lost in the tangle of them. You have a lovely writing style, but it toes along that razor edge of becoming too much at times. Sometimes less description really is more.

Plot - 5/5 stars. This didn't have a 'plot' like you normally think of in regard to stories. This 'plot' seemed more like a series of vignettes—like looking through a window to catch a glance at a fleeting moment—that were told to form a more complex picture of the intimate relationship between war and tragedy. In that respect, you accomplished your task quite well. This was a great read—thorough and thought provoking without trying to demand any specific emotional response from the reader. The way you told this tale was candid, more than a little harsh, and ultimately, exactly what the reader needed in order to garner a true respect for what you were trying to say. Excellent execution.

Overall Impression - 4/5 stars. This story does everything right. It gets a point across, and it opens the reader's eyes to something greater than a cliche romance or overdone horror plot. I was really impressed with your tact, and even more impressed with the way you pushed the boundaries of said tact, exposing reader's to unnecessary horrors, in order to really push your point home. I thought it was really brilliant. Bravo!

I've always been a fan of War stories. Especially WWII. This was one of the greatest stories placed in that era that I have read.
Janek and Luca are completely well written characters in such short chapters~
Great job~

~NN

Oh my god. This is so sad, but so beautiful. I came back to read more and I just love it. Janek and Luca are brothers. Ugh, my heart just broke. This is amazing!

I read all the way through without stopping to write down my comments because it was that captivating. At first, I wasn't sure I liked the short chapters in contrast to a longer oneshot piece, but because of the way they were broken up it made a lot of sense.

there's some very real and raw about this narration. the combination of actual narration mixed with internal narrative. i love how you just wrote it without explaining it, giving the reader enough credit that they could understand it.

this is one of the first wwII stories i've read on here that simply showered war. it showed humanity and people and life, but it showed war without trying to create a love story and happiness. this is the past and it's happened; i felt you were very respectful.

wow, this is so captivating... I love it. The writing is so artistic. Great job.

This. Wow. This is one of most haunting, tragic, beautiful pieces of writing I have ever seen in my life. I love the emotion that flows through the whole thing. The first sentences of all chapters are just so enchanting and I adore all the metaphors laced within the descriptions. This is just absolutely perfect.

(Forgot to add this) Oh, and the fact that it shows how dirty and hard it was to try and survive during this time makes me happy. :3 I know some books/movies like to dress it up a bit and make it seem like it wasn't all that bad, minus the actual war. (I hate when people do that) But yeah, all in all it's a good story and I can't wait for the rest. :3

Oooh, very cool. :3 Reminds me of a book I read, "Tamar." (it's not on the book list :p) I think this story is awesome, dramatic and tragedy wrapped together with WWII. Laal~ Keep it up!

I love the titles as well they were really interesting as well as some of the phrases, 'There lied Janek. There kneeled Luca.' it sounded like poetry. I loved this story :) (my last comment wasn't quite 200 characters)

I love the titles as well they were really interesting as well as some of the phrases, 'There lied Janek. There kneeled Luca.' it sounded like poetry. I loved this story :) (my last comment wasn't quite 200 characters)

This has got to be the most beautiful story I've ever read. The imagery was amazing and the it felt like you were there with them. I was occasionally confused as to what was happening but other that this was just gorgeous to read.

Just want to point out one thing before I forget: In this line, "his cousin, his last meal his last everything." You forgot the comment after last meal.

I really love the way we met the characters separately and then saw them come together. Their story was very moving and tragic.

I'm confused about the third chapter. There are parts that say we and I and you and then other parts that were told in third person. I might just be confused about what you were going for though.

This is honestly quite remarkable. You describe without describing, and your word choice leaves the piece so distinguished, so standoffish, that it really is awesome. These two kids, so close to death, but willing to fight - it's inspiring. I can't wait for more.

I love you so much, I am so interested in the Holocaust and World War II. The layout is absolutely AMAZING! It fits the story so well I can not but it into words. I did not find any errors whatsoever, which is always a plus. This story really shows the struggle the people of the Holocaust had to endure. I love Janek and I love this story. Update soon please!

I really absolutely love this. I didn't catch any mistakes or any errors. It was flawless. I love the descriptions that really painted an image for me. I liked the ghettos versus the concentration camps because I always like a new take on the Holocaust. It was just so beautiful I can't get over it. I think Janek is so interesting and I think the boys relationship is also interesting, seeing as Janek can't really talk. I'm subscribing, I can't wait for more!