I can't believe no one comment yet! This story is soooo COOL! Somewhat typical in a sense, but I definitely love the way you write.
Saw some minor grammatical mistakes, but good enough. Though I do suggest you watch out for them.
I love, love, love the plot, though it is still vague, the pace is just nice and kept you guessing and wanting more.
And definitely love the characters. The guys sounds a little too perfect, if you actually have a reason for that, it'll be great. If not, then it's just a little too odd. Especially with them all being so young. Still, I especially like Romana. She feel's so normal, I meant her character. There are some stories I read where I actually hate the main character enough to not read on more, this is usually the 'Too- character' as I put it; too-bitchy, too-perfect, too-'I-don't-think-I'm-pretty-but-actually-am', too-hysteric, etc. But Romana sounds likable, though that part on photographic memory feels somewhat out of place. I think you should look up on that. Something just off about the way you put it, though I can't place what it is..
Oh, I must ask, how do you define a paragraph? Because it feels kinda random.. which can be confusing. You should really check it out bcoz it involuntarily helps to give a feel to the flow of a story. And I also think it's good to put one character's words and thoughts in one paragraph instead of a lot of characters in one paragraph.
Uhh.. I hope you get what I'm saying, sorry if I sound weird. I'm just trying to help, I hope I don't sound rude.
I also very much hope that you will continue this. It's really good.. well, in my opinion anyway, and I haven't read anything so nice in months, let alone give such a long comment. I really like this story~!
Saw some minor grammatical mistakes, but good enough. Though I do suggest you watch out for them.
I love, love, love the plot, though it is still vague, the pace is just nice and kept you guessing and wanting more.
And definitely love the characters. The guys sounds a little too perfect, if you actually have a reason for that, it'll be great. If not, then it's just a little too odd. Especially with them all being so young. Still, I especially like Romana. She feel's so normal, I meant her character. There are some stories I read where I actually hate the main character enough to not read on more, this is usually the 'Too- character' as I put it; too-bitchy, too-perfect, too-'I-don't-think-I'm-pretty-but-actually-am', too-hysteric, etc. But Romana sounds likable, though that part on photographic memory feels somewhat out of place. I think you should look up on that. Something just off about the way you put it, though I can't place what it is..
Oh, I must ask, how do you define a paragraph? Because it feels kinda random.. which can be confusing. You should really check it out bcoz it involuntarily helps to give a feel to the flow of a story. And I also think it's good to put one character's words and thoughts in one paragraph instead of a lot of characters in one paragraph.
Uhh.. I hope you get what I'm saying, sorry if I sound weird. I'm just trying to help, I hope I don't sound rude.
I also very much hope that you will continue this. It's really good.. well, in my opinion anyway, and I haven't read anything so nice in months, let alone give such a long comment. I really like this story~!
Well, that's it. Hope to hear a reply from you :D