Stuck in Her Daydream - Comments

Hi so comment swap brought me here and it's not really my cup of tea, sorry. I'm not an avenged sevenfold fan and though the plot seemed like it could be good from your description there were so many grammar and spelling errors I wanted to rip my hair out. Go back and edit and more readers will come

Hey there, from Comment Swap.

I'm terribly sorry to say this, but the amount of mistakes you made in the first chapter has led to me having very little interest in reading on.

You had a mistake in the very first paragraph, Her soft brown curls in pins. Pinned up in curls, the plain brown curls. These two sentences are completely redundant.

This could be a very sweet story. Like xofrankiero said, maybe try reading a bit more? Take in different writing styles and yours is bound to get better.

You can improve! x

Wow she crashed her own car just soo tht she don't have to go home to Jack now tht is a sign of leave the relationship immediately, I hope tht McKenna doesn't get married at all to fucking Jack and y wasn't his ass at the hospital some fiancé he is jerk, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

U need to tell someone tht Jack beat u regardless if it was one time he can do it again and again and thn the next thing u kno u will be dead and Jimmy will be in jail for assault sooo tell someone please McKenna, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

Hey, I'm from comment swap. This story has a lot of potential but you just have so many mistakes! I think you should read Aris.' comment and take it into account, they outline all the major things wrong with this story. I think you should take a break from writing and just read for a while, take in other people's work and use it to help your writing. You need to work on grammar and spelling.

This story could be good, you just need to put a bit of work into it. Also, your chapters are way too short, don't post them until they hit 800 words at least.

I like it a lot, but the comment below mine is very accurate. There is a lot that could be improved and I think that all in all, you could leave the already written chapters as they are, but read other stories to get a feel for how to write your next ones. I like the story idea and the plot, and especially the musical basis, but the writing makes it seem to me like you're focusing too much on the music your basing that chapter or story on, especially with the prologue. I subscribed and can't wait to see how it turns out in the end, especially if you take the suggestions given to you into account! I think if you do you could be a truly wonderful author!

First impressions; change the title. Surplus and too long, and there is unnecessary punctuation at the end which could get a warning from the staff.

I'm not fond of the layout and since it was made prior to the new Mibba the picture moves when I scroll; you need to edit it so it does not.

She sat there with her make up out. I don't understand what this means?

Your writing style is a little bit too lyrical to be considered a story, I'm afraid. You frequently use incorrect punctuation in relation to where there should be longer sentences, it appears your grasp of using language effectively is minimal. That of course is only appearances, and described in the marking scheme I've salvaged from a few years ago.

to tight of a dress. needs to be 'too'.

room, But capitalization of 'but' is unnecessary.

Your second chapter leads me to believe the writing style in the first chapter is intentional? Nevertheless, it's incorrect and needs to be reviewed. You need to vary sentence starters, there are way too many 'I's; branch out.

I think to unlock your full potential you need to read other peoples work and pick up on punctuation and sentence structures they use and try to incorporate it in your work. While you have excellent punctuation in speech, I find that all together this piece of work could do with some editing. Find a beta who is willing to help you improve and I can see you doing extremely well. Keep writing <3

Love it man I feel sorry for Jimmy becuz he really loves Kenna but yet she is gettin married to tht clown Jack and I don't like him I find him abusive and Kenna needs to fight back and not let him win becuz u don't deserve him u desere Jimmy, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

This looks like a dramatic kinda cliche but a pretty cool story, can't wait to read more update as soon as u can :)

I love Taylor Swift with all my heart, and the song Speak Now it's one of my favorites :3 and I'm in lie with the Rev LOL I'm in love with this story, next chapter? (: