Deadly - Comments

I really like how your explained the women's husband, and her buisness. One thing for sure is that you never actually explained what the mother looked like in like a very body figure same with Katrina and Bee. Which is a very weird name is it short for Beatrice? Jimmy, Katrina, and Kaity are pretty normal names. And personally I disliked the idea of the charaters using all capitals. And 6:34 AM is a very perfect time since schools usually start around 7:12 AM. This is seemingly the only chapter I have seen, and seeing from 3 years ago might make me skeptical that you are planning to continue it. I pretty much doubt you remember how the next goes.

*Comment Swap*
I don't really know much about Avenged Sevenfold so I really liked the little intrduction before. It was really helpful. You seem to have a great beginning for your plot! Your characters are cute and I like your writing style. I noticed a few typos so you should go over it but other than that great job!

I like your choice of words and also the plot since I'm an a7x-fan myself :) I easily get bugged by ONE thing and it's when people start their sentences with 'but'.

You can really imagine the things happening, I like that it's written descriptively but not too much so it bores you. Just the perfect amount!

It's hard to really give a proper review since it's one chapter but I like it, also the fact that it's a Jimmy story gives it a +! Haha :)

I like your choice of words and also the plot since I'm an a7x-fan myself :) I easily get bugged by ONE thing and it's when people start their sentences with 'but'.

You can really imagine the things happening, I like that it's written descriptively but not too much so it bores you. Just the perfect amount!

It's hard to really give a proper review since it's one chapter but I like it, also the fact that it's a Jimmy story gives it a +! Haha :)

I like your choice of words and also the plot since I'm an a7x-fan myself :) I easily get bugged by ONE thing and it's when people start their sentences with 'but'.

You can really imagine the things happening, I like that it's written descriptively but not too much so it bores you. Just the perfect amount!

It's hard to really give a proper review since it's one chapter but I like it, also the fact that it's a Jimmy story gives it a +! Haha :)

I like your choice of words and also the plot since I'm an a7x-fan myself :) I easily get bugged by ONE thing and it's when people start their sentences with 'but'.

You can really imagine the things happening, I like that it's written descriptively but not too much so it bores you. Just the perfect amount!

It's hard to really give a proper review since it's one chapter but I like it, also the fact that it's a Jimmy story gives it a +! Haha :)

I like this story so far, especially when Kat began hitting the ride to wake her mother up, that was funny and totally what a drummer would do.

The only negative thing is that in my opinion, you overuse capitalisation to the point that it doesn't really make an impact by the end of the chapter.

You use paragraphs well, spacing out the story's pace and creating differentiation especially by the use of different sentence lengths.

i like this its a new side to a fan-fiction, i mean its not your normal girl trys to get famous guy, which is nice. I am also really intrigued as to where you are going to take this as the first chapter doesn't really give too much away. Though i can just imagine Jimmy's daughter being totally cute with drum sticks and all. but yep looking forward to this :)

I came here from comment swap. Hello! There are a lot of really good Avenged Sevenfold fanfics on mibba and I can see this joining them. I like the amount of detail you're putting in and I like the pace the story is running at. I found that I could emerse myself in the story and I found myself eager to find out how this is going to pan out.I think its a good piece of work and I shall subscribe.. Please update soon! Haha! Keep up the awesome work!

I'll admit straight up I'm not an Avenged fan... Like, at all. But you're a good writer, and it seems like you have an interesting plot line up your sleeve. I like the way you ened it abruptly, as I'm not the kind of girl who likes long, boring chapters. Good job, and keep up your good work.

Hello, here from comment swap.
Firstly, I like your layout. It's simple which makes it effective.
I loved your story! I'm not an Avenged Sevenhold fan but I felt like I didn't need to be with the story! Good writing as well! I also loved the description that you gave about all the characters.

Nice layout and very nice writing. The summary doesn't fit with the first chapter but I'm sure the danger idea will progress with time. It's nice to see that it's not cliche, and that's there's a child involved. You are descriptive, and pay attention to minor details, you are a well written author.

I got here through comment swap and I quite like this first chapter! :3
It starts off making it really, really interesting. I found this really good so far! It seems like it's gonna be an amazing story. I also like how the story was kind of beginning right away, like, there were only a few introduction sentences..it wasn't a bad thing at all!

Although the layout is not my favorite it does make the story 'pop'. The font isn't hard to read and everything is separated well so it isn't confusing. I like how you just went straight to the point instead of doing a boring introduction like most people do. You can already get a sense of the characters personality and it kinda draws you in

I rule this story. I own it. It belongs to the Jesus of Suburbia. (C).

LOL anyways! I found it through Comment Swap, and it's very sweet. I can't wait to see what's happening and why Jimmy's needing someone to watch over his wife and daughter. I'm excited! *recs*

And the layout is pretty. Jimmy's got a fucking sexy face... um... says other Jimmy. Well then. xDBut he does! RIP. We love ya, Jimmy. foREVer. <3

Updates!