Not Safe - Comments

Kudos for starting a story with "Yo"...not so kudos for not adding a comma afterwards.

You seem to have a serious lack of commas throughout this entire story. Really. They -do- have a function, I promise.

It's also a really, really, really fast read without them. It doesn't sound natural because I'm zipping through sentences. You've hardly used description, so it's very hard to picture the story. You seem to only want to focus on the important thing--- which are the boys in the band you're writing about.

And as witty as the dialogue is, you were using it to tell the story. Rather than having description that the characters can comment on, you've had the characters describe their own personalities and the environments they were in via dialogue (in a subtle way).

Stop. That's not the way to do it. Describe more, talk less.

You've also performed a really big no-no, and you've began and ended with dialogue. Don't do that. It's -okay- to either end OR begin with dialogue...great when you neither begin nor end with dialogue....and really sucky when you begin AND end with dialogue.

Is there supposed to be a...bigger plot...here?

Oh..my god. I got here because of Comment Swap, and I absolutely loved it! :3 Now..I don't usually read ATL fan fiction, but seeing as I used to be a fan, I enjoyed it a lot anyway. I liked the idea of the story and I love your writing! You did a great job here, really. :3
I loved when they got into his home and heard the moans from Alex' room :D That was a great part to put in the story. You make it all very believable.
I only found a few spelling mistakes, other than that, this was really great :)

From comment swap.
The layout is hard to read. It’s well written but no character depth or detail – more little quirks or more individual speech patterns would help you establish different personalities. I understand you’re trying to make your writing style different, but ‘Yo’ and ‘Yea’ are not grammatically correct and are not the right way to go. You should have added a comma after ‘Yo’, anyway, and it’s best just to try not to be different and spell ‘yeah’ properly, unless you’re using it as Shakespeare did and you want ‘yea’ to be pronounced ‘yay’, as in, ‘Take all my loves, my love, yea take them all.’

I love how well it is written, though maybe a bit more detail would have been nice. Also, the layout was extremely hard to read. The background needs to be lightened or the text does. I could barely even see what I was reading. Otherwise I think you're an excellent author. Great job!

First off, I would like to suggest that you lighten the shade of the writing a little bit, it's kinda hard to read now.

You have an interesting plot line and while this isn't my kind of story, I'm sure that there are lots of people who will love this! One thing that you might want to work on is your grammar/spelling. Other than that, keep up the good work and good luck.