Lady of Camelot - Comments

Everyone here from Comment Swap is announcing it, so I might as well too.

Stories like Kind Arthur are always meant to be retold and added onto. It's just the human oral tradition, honestly, you see it everywhere with fables and fairy tales and myths and religious stories. You're just continuing the human condition by twisting and fanfic-ing it out. Just like Lance-a-Lot was added.

I'm not a fan of using pictures of real people to describe characters in a story, but I also like that you didn't dedicate long paragraphs full of purple prose to describing a single character trait. Actually, the pacing and writing in your story feels a lot like a stage play! In terms of how the characters talk and communicate with each other.

I suspect that Lady Guinevere is meant to serve as an antagonist/foil to Thea; I hope you treat her character with respect regardless of what you plan to do with her. I appreciate that you clarify to the reader that how she acts is merely how she was raised, and I hope to see her develop as a character alongside everyone else.

Also, thank you for the easy to read layout, my eyes are grateful.

Comment swap!
I really loved your voice and writing still in this. Your more historical language was pretty well done, though in some cases I think it clashed with the writing style. Overall, I enjoyed it!

I love this story when are you going to update again

Comment swap- I like your idea here! And your layout! I think that this story is set out really well. and is easy to read. How did you add pictures!? That also made it really cool. It's obvious you put a lot of time and effort into this. To make it better, add description! That would improve it so much, and also maybe show and not tell. What I mean by this is, instead of saying: "she had long, flowing dark hair" say "her long, flowing, dark hair fluttered in the breeze and she turned around to greet arthur." That's just an example. My point is, weave the details into a sentence instead of stating them. Hope you consider my feedback, keep writing!

What I meant about who the story sounds like its being told by, is that your story sounds very intelligent and doesn't sound childish. Haha that's what I meant. And I made a grammatical error whilst typing that comment. See? I make so many mistakes haha! Again, great job with this.

Hello, I'm from comment swap. I just want to say that I am not NEARLY as great a writer as you, and that I am only fifteen, so I am still learning, but the point I want to get across is that I think this is a wonderful start. Great detail, you described the characters so well that I could picture them vividly, your vocabulary is fantastic and makes the story sound great. There are a few grammatical errors, by they may just be typos or accidents. Nothing major at all. I make mistakes all the time. Something I've noticed with a lot of stories I've read on Mibba is that a lot of stories sound like they're being told from a teenager's POV. Whether it's in first or third person. I often become distracted from the story and have to stop reading it. I don't know what it is. But, your story so far is written so well that I continued to read the chapter all the way through. Great job, keep going, it's a very great story you've written so far .

This was good. Not impressive like the summary built it up to be. It was a little forced, I feel. Like you were pushing this out instead of it just flowing. I encourage that you continue, and maybe just let it go where it goes. Continue and best wishes,

PS: I love the fact that your layout is simple and very readable.

comment swap!
So very interesting story. It's hard to find historical pieces here on mibba, especially well-written. I love how you include that sort of language, it really sounds like what I imagina people would talk like, back in the day. About the pictures, I would have to agree with Valiente, they sort of ruin it. As a reader, I prefer to picture the characters in my mind, not have them presented to me in the form of a picture, especially because some of those people (if not all of them) are actually famous. But Martin is Garrett Hedlund, I like that, lol. Other than that, I really like your story. You should use a spell check before posting (we all should, haha) and have someone proofread (again, everyone on mibba should). But I enjoyed this very much, I will be waiting for the next chapters :)

This is a very interesting story. I have to say that I didn't find myself as impressed as I thought I would be. It seemed very slow to me. I don't know what it is, but I just couldn't get interested in it. However, the dialogue was written beautifully. It really fit with the time period. The pictures at the end threw me off a little. I think you shouldn't have used them at the end. It throws people off. That's just my opinion though. -A

There were a few mistakes here and there, but nothing too major. I noticed in one spot that you put "nights" instead of "knights". I say this because you said they were in love with Guinevere. It was very well written overall, but I would go back and proofread it. Keep writing!

i like how you have expanded on other stories on more 'untold' parts,
I think the pictures at the end break it up too much and kind of ruin the experience for me
there are a few grammatical errors, but nothing that cant be fixed by reading through it and tweaking it.
Overall i like it, and you write dialogue well :-)

I don't usually read stories like these; I received this in the Comment Swap. I won't lie, I was actually incredibly 'meh' about reading it because I really thought it was going to be the same as the rest. I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't. It's good to have a unique grasp on this.

You had a few grammatical mistakes, which is nothing you can't fix by reading it over carefully. Your detail and descriptions were spot on, though. Not too much but not so little.

You really should remove the pictures out of the story, though. The only pictures that should be in the midst of the content of the story are page breakers. I noticed you have a Characters tab, so the random pictures in the content of the story shouldn't be there. I highly suggest you remove them.

All in all, this is good. Really good job. (: