Heaven and Hell - Comments

Yes, it's still a work in progress. I am working on what I call the 3rd saga, which is the 3rd big mission. I don't feel that part of it is ready and I also wasn't sure if people would want me to post anymore chapters. 23 is a lot to read XD And I'm still only at the beginning of my story.

But I'm glad you are liking it :)

@ Alex Moore.
Sadly, I don't actually write this. I only edit it. XD But I do know the actually author of this is still writing, just not posting here that much.

Hey, I've only read the first chapter for now, but this story starts of great. You really get a sense of who Serena is and how she works. I can see this before my eyes as scenes of some crime series, so that is always very good. Your writing flows and it is easily read, a very big plus.

The action scenes are good too, I love a good fight. Please don't stop writing this, it would be a loss.

I hope you keep up with this cause its a great story.

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Hi, i rarely read stories like this. I'm pretty pleased i decided to continue with it though. I though it was definitely unique, it moved pretty well, it was easy enough to understand. The faster scenes were exactly that: fast, concise, action packed. overall: great job with it, I enjoyed reading it and it was worth my while. Your writing is very visual, and very descriptive without getting mundane. <- that is a tall order, my congratulations. :) Good job with this.

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Wow, looks like it's been a while since this story has gotten a comment! I really liked it, and it was different than most stories I've read on Mibba. There was a lot of description, which is always friggin awesome, because you can really imagine it in your head. The story was easy to follow, and though I didn't read the whole thing, I didn't get distracted or bored while reading it.

Also, really good job with the fight scenes. Most stories on here are romance, so you rarely see a good fight scene that isn't "i punched him the end". I could really see the action in my head, and this could probably be a movie. Juss sayyinn

Nice job

What can I say, cliff hangers are fun ^_^

I cannot believe you...
P.S. Loving it still

haha Curt loving the story. You ave yet to disappoint Caveman (cookie)

I don't tend to read stories like this, but this was awesome. I loved the fact that you included the prayer(like the comment below me) I also say that you should double space your paragraphs(which is so hard to remember to do...) but aside from that, you're a really good author! You're amount of intensity amazes me!(:

Well this was a very interesting story, I love the way you wrote this.
Especially loving the prayer you placed in the story. I love when people put lyrics or things of that nature into their stories. Also I gotta say it's also very intense in some chapters, which I like. This seems like a very original piece, and it's very promsing.

I can't wait to read more
Keep up the good work.

I really like this story! You're really good at this! :) The only thing is that it's kinda hard to read. Maybe if you put some spaces between paragraphs/ quotes?? It would make reading this alot easier!! I still think it's good, so keep up the good work! :) Also, you are really good with details! I can actually picture your characters doing these actions in my head! Again, Keep it up! :D

I enjoyed this chapter. It's nice to see some of the other side, and what they are thinking and doing.

Besides what I have said before, I notice you missed a period in the first part of this chapter, right after camp fire and before "The man wore very worn out, old rags" sentence.

You put 'a' in front of army instead of 'an' when they talk about an army of demons towards the end.

I did notice you put in commas. =) Yay! But if you could just double space between paragraphs it would be so much easier to read.

Love the story. I hope you continue it. =)

And now, to some of the things I've found while reading. - “What you are about to see Serena” Father Stephens began. “ Is top secret. - is doesn't need to be capitalize because it's a continuation of the first part of the dialogue.

Also you should use symbols only in names of places and emails. Symbols tend to break the flow of the writing when used.

The sound of dripping water echoing throughout the dungeon could be heard, - the 'could be heard' should be omitted because it's repeating what echoing implies.

I also notice you omit some words or put in others that don't belong. It's not a lot, but just one or two a chapter.

And, to reply to comments on your story or profile, you have to go to their profile and comment. When I first came here, about a month ago now, I was doing the same thing, replying on my own profile and story.

I hope I was helpful. Please, continue. =)

lad you're enjoying it so far, I hope you enjoy the rest. I'm only posting the first the chapters so far just to see the feedback, I'll probably post some more at a later time. I'll have to fix those commas ASAP though. Thanks for the tips :)

I've only read the first chapter so far, but I really like this! Very nice writing and details! I always love details. =)

I would just like to point out a few things though. In the first line, you put "fourth" instead of "forth". And you need to add a line between paragraphs. Also, you forget to add in the comma after someone finishes speaking like: "I'm driving this time" she said. There needs to be a comma after time.

If you want more information here's the url for a tips page here on Mibba. Click Here

I just don't want to see this story reported when it was just posted. =) Now off to read the other chapters!

Oh, just as an after thought, Mibba uses bbcodes for italics, bold, strikethrough, and more. That is [b]Text[/b] or you can look here for more help.