Shine - Comments

I thought this was really well written. It's very short so there isn't much to comment on, however I really think you packed a punch in such a short story. I would love to read more of this, maybe if you lengthened it to two chapters. Just so I could get more of the narrators emotions. But I really like what you have.

I think your word choice is very pretty. There isn't much in the way of characters, so there isn't much I can say about that. I think all your words flow together nicely and your writing style fit his piece very well!