Love Is a Fairy Tale, Life Isn't - Comments

Here thanks to the comment swap :-)

So first things first! About your layout, I love the dusty pink background color but I feel like the random picture in the corner of the page is a little distracting and simple not needed. Sometimes simple is best, with just the pink background it gives it the romantic feel because of the white background to the actual content. However, as nice as the blue is I think you should change the title color and as well as the link color to a more complementary color to the background. When it comes to the front it's great. However, the location of the content is a little weird. It's lined with the right which is hard to get with at first but the more i read it didn't really bother me. But I think that with all that excess space on the left hand margin you should place a reoccurring picture down ways that matches the background. It'll kind of create a pretty margin and not have such strange blank space.

The title I think is a little long, but that's your choice, I'm just giving you my opinion on it. The summary is a little cliché and doesn't give much information out. You don't want to give out a ton of information which you meet but I think you worded it kinda rushed and short.

When it comes to your actual story it's the same as your summary. You don't give much information and it's rushed and short. I've read your other comments and they've pointed out the same thing. You need to describe your places more and put more detail into your writing. Not only will it put some imagery into your writing but it'll also make your stories much longer. I also feel like you're rushing the romance a little, step back and let it seem more natural. I'm just saying that when I met my husband and didn't think I was going to fall in love and we'd make a bunch of babies and die old together. Honestly he was kind of a jock douche bag. I know not everybody are opposites and loathed their partner at first. And maybe the fact I don't believe in soul mates is why I'm telling you to take your time. Maybe have them as friends or something around that point.

The last point is that you have changed your writing from third person to first person between chapters. I didn't really notice until half way through the first chapter though. In the first chapter you start a lot of stories with the word 'She' and 'Her' and then in the second chapter you begin a lot of sentences with the word 'I'. Try and shake it up a little.

Comment swap

So First off before reading, I like the colour and the background, the only thing that actually really bugs me is how all your writing isn't in the center or on the left its all on the right. Doesn't look very good to be honest.

I find that you need to let the words flow from you, Reading through your story is seems as if your forcing out what your trying to say, Writing is an Art, so sit down relax and let the words flow. Saying that you also need to use more descriptive words rather then telling us everything that's happening. Describing lets the reader see into your mind for a moment or two and understand what you mean.

I do like your story and I can't wait for an update, I hope you take my advice, It will make everything smoother and even better then what it already is! Till next time.

First off, your summary really did not see to grab my attention. It seemed very obtuse and slightly clique.

As for the actual content, it was very similar. Everything was very fast and sounded more like an instruction manual. You're telling when you should be showing. Instead of saying, "she's sad", use detail like "her eyes brimmed with tears, her heart catching in her throat". We know that such a character would be sad without the writer telling us so.
You need to describe the settings, the people because you're really only giving the reader a blank sheet and letting them rely too much on the mind. The reader doesn't want to do that; they're lazy. So you need to fill in all the blanks for them.

Also, you go from "she" to "I".

There's ways to make this a really good story. You just need to work on the diction and your own style. Put more thought into what you want to say, tell us everything you you see in your mind. Give us the little details and extend on what you're already saying! You can definitely make this work. :)

Here from Le comment swap. Well I'll have to agree with the comment before me, Everything is happening to fast, it's impossible for me to picture the things in my head, because just as I start to, they're finished. You're lacking description too, which makes this very bland and tedious to read. But in saying that, I don't think you're a bad writer, so don't stop writing, I just think you need to put a little more thought into this. :)

I also agree with the rest of the commenters on this, I don't want to sound redundant or tedious, but what I thought lacked the most was your diction. Your writing was very bland and I felt the events were happening too fast that I couldn't properly picture them right.

There were no descriptions as to how or why your main character was feeling the way she was. I mean she almost got ran over by a car and her approach about it was believable. I would go in depth a little more about who this character really is because I couldn't figure it out.

There is a lot that has to be worked on, but I think you can fix that, you're just getting started, so that's not too bad and then this story will be perfect in no time, I promise.

It's already been said that there are a few basic grammar errors. The character development isn't really happening yet, but it's just the beginning. You should think about working a little more character and setting background in as time goes on. You have a readable style though, and a story that has potential, so keep it up. (Also, I really love your background.)

From Comment Swap:

Truthfully, I’m not a big fan of stories like these – two people call in love and one of them has this horribly huge secret that they’re keeping from their partner. It’s been done many times before. It’s a nice story, but I’m just the wrong audience for it. As I was reading, I noticed grammar, punctuation, and tense errors (for example, toward the end of the first chapter, you switched from past tense to present tense a couple of times) here and there; they weren’t too severe, but were a bit distracting. I suggest getting a beta if you want more readers. They will help you iron out the kinks in your story and make it perfect. I wish you the best of luck with continuing this story!

Grammar and Style - I noticed quite a few run-on sentences, but nothing you couldn't fix with a little editing.

Setting - I really don't have any idea where this story is set, so I think that is something that you should describe to the readers.

Characters - I think the main character is a little boring. She doesn't really have any characteristics that make her stand out or make her unique. I think you should develop her more and add some interesting traits to her personality.