I'm here for the second part of your Halloween treat.
Again, like has been said below, you really need to separate out the dialogue in this story. But, that's a trivial thing, so I'll not labour on. The idea for the story is, like the other story I commented on, rather unique. Your writing is really nice, I like how you don't have too much description, rather just the right amount. Also, like recluse- said, the last line is brilliant. You read through, and then you get to that line and, I probably shouldn't have, but I laughed. It's just one of those tiny trivial things that made the story for me. Once again, well done! :)
Again, like has been said below, you really need to separate out the dialogue in this story. But, that's a trivial thing, so I'll not labour on. The idea for the story is, like the other story I commented on, rather unique. Your writing is really nice, I like how you don't have too much description, rather just the right amount. Also, like recluse- said, the last line is brilliant. You read through, and then you get to that line and, I probably shouldn't have, but I laughed. It's just one of those tiny trivial things that made the story for me. Once again, well done! :)