Jordan's Boarding School for Boys (Book One) - Comments

Comment Swap:
I have to agree with everyone else on the title. It doesn't draw me in or interest me. If I had been scrolling through, and saw it, I probably would not have clicked on it. The layout isn't very appealing either.. The story isn't something I would read on my own. There were a few grammar and spelling mistakes that kind of got on my nerves, but it has potential. keep it up. [:

((Comment Swap)) To be honest yes I do agree with everybody else. You should change the title to something that's a bit more flashy and eye catching. Second, this story is almost exactly like the Disney Channel movie Starstruck with Sterling Knight. The excerpt is what really sounds like it. The rest isn't exactly cliche which is good! I'm subscribing but because I think you can do something amazing.

Here from comment swap.

Well being honest, the title and layout don't do anything for me. I'm not crazy about the story either. I'm not saying it's bad, but to pan out their life is a little weird,but I like weird! You do have quite a few mistakes, so beta readers help. Overall it was good. Keep going!

(Comment Swap)

So the first thing I noticed, was the title, I thought the context was going to be very dis interesting because of this so you might want to change it. It didn't draw me in.

A few grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes, so you might want to get a Beta Reader or something before posting your chapters and story. The first thing I noticed when I read the first chapter that you made your character obsessed with your male character and she had already planned out her life with him. Again, I'm not really interested in reading stalker fictions to be honest.

Hello there :) I was sent here by comment swap, but I'm not disappointed. I would think about changing the title though. I thought the story was going to be a lot more boring than in was because of it. There were a couple of spelling mistakes here in there, but as a whole, I'm interested :)

You should write more (: I quite like this

I already commented on this, but I guess Comment Swap is saying otherwise so I'm gonna have to leave a bunch of gibberish. Sorry x.x.
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*from comment swap*
I have a problem with the title, simply because you have (Book One) in it. That's something you would put in the description. I only saw a few mistakes here and there, but nothing to worry about. I like the idea, and I like your writing style. Good luck :)

Honestly, I was a little scared when the comment swap feature sent me here, because of the title. It seems a little bland, and it didn't draw me in at all. Put it this way, if I saw it on the Stories page here on Mibba, I wouldn't want to read it.

That said, I really like this story. That was my only problem with it, other than a few grammar errors here and there. Maybe you should get someone to proofread before you post, or do it yourself. I often read over my works four or five times before I post them.

I do really like your writing style, though. It's more laid back and relaxed than most, and it seems more natural. Your characters are people who most readers can relate to, and that's going to take you far in this business of writing.

Keep up the good work! (:

Ooh, a whole series, nice. And like the kingslayer. below, I love Gabrielle's (or Gage's) picture, it amazing. And I love the cliche that you start off with. Well, I love cliches anyway, but stories based around cliches make me smile because I like to see how people take it. I'm really interested to see how this is going to turn out. I feel like it's going to turn out amazing, I just feel it.

Well, I'm super sorry for the repeat comments, but I keep getting sent here and the suggest was to try again and change the settings on my comment swap. However, I don't want to leave you a totally pointless message so, I thought I would highlight a few grammar mistakes for you.

For example, in this sentence, [. . .]with my plan…Derek’s new[. . .] you need a space between the ellipse and Derek. And in this case, [. . .] trouble, than she would buy him a new car., there is no need for the comma after than. I also noticed this mistake, Derek, of course, agreed eagerly, and was off within the week. In that sentence you didn't use any commas, but I added them in where they need to be. These are all just little mistakes, but they can detract from the reading experience. You might want to consider getting a beta reader to look over your chapters for you. In fact, if you would like, I can help out occasionally if you need someone. I love editing; it's favorite pastime of this grammar nazi. ^.^

Firstly, I absolutely love the picture you used for Gabrielle. She's simply gorgeous.

Secondly, I like your story premise. It's really cliche, but cliches are cliche for a reason—a million young writers wouldn't write them if they totally sucked. As long as you remember to add your own twist, I'm sure this will be a really great story. I'm actually going to subscribe because I have that much faith in this piece. We haven't seen a lot of the characters personalities yet, but I'm really excited to learn more about them and to see how this plot line progresses. ^.^

Firstly, I absolutely love the picture you used for Gabrielle. She's simply gorgeous.

Secondly, I like your story premise. It's really cliche, but cliches are cliche for a reason—a million young writers wouldn't write them if they totally sucked. As long as you remember to add your own twist, I'm sure this will be a really great story. I'm actually going to subscribe because I have that much faith in this piece. We haven't seen a lot of the characters personalities yet, but I'm really excited to learn more about them and to see how this plot line progresses. ^.^

Great story:) Its really good. Great detail. I love boarding school stories:) they always make me want to go to boarding school. lol. this story (so far) is no different:) Im subscribing so continue writing:) I love it and can;t wait to read more:) Continue on with your dream:)

It's good.
Looking forward to the rest of it (:

I dig it.

I can tell already I'm going to like the main character. She's zany, a bit crazy, and seems like loads of fun.

I'm not a big fan of boarding school stories, but I have a feeling I'm going to really get into this one. :)