Letters to Papa - Comments

To start off, I'd like to say that the summary is part of what grabs a reader's attention. I would recommend you give a back story or insert a diary excerpt instead of the one you have now. Comment Swap brought me here and if it hadn't, I wouldn't have read your story based on the summary. That may just be me. I am glad I got the chance to read it!

Now the diary entries are creative idea that I love. It brings a reality to your story. Since you are writing a historical based story, I would say diary entries fit. I like how you write them in the simple dialogue at eleven year old would have. I do think she is being a bit naïve for her age, but it could work. Not everyone matures at the same rate. I would ensure that her 'voice' matures as the story goes along.

Also, the layout matches the story. I actually like it quite a lot!

Aw, this was really really cute! I love the relationship between her and Rudy, and I hope to hear more about them. I really like this. Even though these entries are short, you really learn a lot, and that's what I'm starting to like about your writing and this piece. Good luck on your other writings, and please update! xo

This is beautifully written. I feel in tuned to Marta, and can easily understand her viewpoints. Can't wait for more.

I wouldn't normally read stories like this: history but I've done it before so I guess I can now. And I did, plus I enjoyed it. The layout is perfect and it's easy to read, I haven't spotted any grammar or spelling mistakes, your writing style is simple and absolutely suits the whole point of the story. 

Diary entries almost always get me and yours did. You captured Marta's struggles and slightly happier moments very well. The way she writes out how she feels is amazing. I love how the entries are quick and to the point, not droning on about incoherent topics. I love how you added in another layer in the plot, placing in a new friend for her, and giving more depth to the story rather than just her writing about her miserable days with the other children. 

I'd have to agree with the others though, her actual age doesn't match her personality and slight naivety. 

Overall, I think you're doing a great job with this :)

I agree that Marta seemed a lot younger than eleven, especially in the earlier letters. It was kind of hard for me to ignore as well, but get how hard it is to write from a child's point of view and try and make them sound their age.

Your writing style seems to fit the diary format well, I really enjoyed it. I like how you caught Marta's emotions in the letters and just how you wrote them in general.

Well done (:

I agree that Marta seemed a lot younger than eleven, especially in the earlier letters. It was kind of hard for me to ignore as well, but get how hard it is to write from a child's point of view and try and make them sound their age.

Your writing style seems to fit the diary format well, I really enjoyed it. I like how you caught Marta's emotions in the letters and just how you wrote them in general.

Well done (:

I definitely agree with YouCan'tKillHeroes that she seems a lot younger than eleven. Unlike Heroes, though, it is a little harder for me to ignore it. Too young of a narrator leads to an unreliable world view, which I find distracting. I think if you aged your character a bit, not too much, you obviously want to keep that innocence, it would push the story more. Right now, her ignorance is hindering the story. Otherwise, your writing is good. I have no grammar/spelling comments to make, which is good.

You have a good thing going here! She does seem a little young for eleven, especially in the earlier letters, but that is easily ignored. I like that your letters are short and easy to read, and that she befriended Rudy. Keep up the good work!

(Comment swap)
You really have a good thing going. The entries are short and easy to read and feel the emotion the character is feeling. She seems a little immature for eleven, but not by much. Anyway, this story will definitely be a tear-jerkier, I can just tell. Best of luck (:

So far so good. Really love the way it is written. I can tell it is going to be an emotional rollercoaster for this story, but i am ready!
lovely developed main character, which not a lot of people can do.
your summary should be more descriptive. it will help get more readers when they are captivated.
good job.

Goodness... This is going to tug some heartstrings. Oh, why do I feel like its going to be so sad? But a good kind of sad. Your main character is written perfectly, she doesn't seem too mature, or naive, she's the right combination. Most journal entry stories have a bit of a drag to then, but this one doesn't. I think you have something here. I wish you all the best luck with this!!

I really like this, the way it's written. I like the concept, mainly because not many people on Mibba write about the wars and/or from a younger girl's perspective. You've done well, I'm gonna subscribe!

Good job