Eyes of a Soldier - Comments

@ swell
Yeah that layout is just not good! I've been meaning to change it, but I get lazy and forget

Thank you for such the lovely comment though! I appreciate it!

I'm going to begin with the layout, and I have to say that I found extreme difficulty in reading this. The grey text against the grey background was harsh on the eyes, so I'd recommend changing the background colour to something lighter, perhaps black font against a white background?

Moving on to the actual content, I thought this was beautifully written. It was sad but it really got to me, which I thought was brilliantly done. The ending was bittersweet, but I think you ended it in a really nice and touching way. I loved that was a war based story, because you don't read many of those around, at least stories that I've seen or read. Another thing I loved that was you gave no names or appearances, so it could be left up to the reader to interpret what he or she wanted. Overall, a great piece!

This was really touching and sad, and I thought you did a great job with it. The word and in your summary had an extra d, I'm only pointing that out because the summaries the first thing a person sees when they look at your story.
I loved how you were able to write it in a way that made the reader feel like they know these characters, and understand their emotions and such. I also liked how you started by describing the present and then kind of told flashbacks of their relationship and how they met and their life together and his life in the military.

One thing I've noticed in both of your pieces is that you say for example; "She seen a bird fly by." And grammatically that should be "she saw a bird fly by." It's just always been a little pet peeve of mine, so I thought I'd let you know. But other than that I didn't really find any grammar mistakes. I thought it was interesting that you broke the chapters into chapters the way you did. They were very short so you could have done them as a one shot, but I kind of liked that your separated them because it was a neat stylistic choice. Though the third chapter I thought could be broken into paragraphs.

Over all, this is a very nice piece and I felt a lot of emotion well reading it. I hope you got a good grade on it for your class!

Before reading I really thought I would love the concept of this, and I did. I haven't read anything on Mibba about a topic like this, the closest i'd have to come to was something like a fantasy war and the fact that this was all real and the topic something most people know about, I was happy.

I like the layout, I couldn't expect anything different unless you decided you'd want to have been patriotic but I really like this. The text was a tad hard to read just because it was so dull compared to the black but I made it out.

Something I really liked about this story was the fact that you incorporated the family, and the people the soldier had worked with. Also how you let them remain nameless so we could connect to the story more. You were so good with that, it made me really happy. I just enjoyed this whole story, and the topic to me is something more people should write about.

Layout: I like the overall look of the layout but the text is just a tad bit hard to read because of the colors. I still like the layout a lot though.

Writing: Your writing is incredible. It flows well and everything fits together perfectly. I didn't notice any mistakes at all in the story. I also love the way you used just enough description without using too much.

Characters: I really like how you didn't really dig into their appearances or even the names. I love how you left that aspect up to the readers. I really liked how you worked enough back story in to give a little more insight about the characters without detracting from what was happening during the story.

Overall: This is amazing. I'm usually not the type of person that gets emotional too easy, especially not when I'm reading, but this made me cry a little bit. Its incredibly powerful and it does serve as a reminder of what the families go through too. I love the way you ended it because it did show that the mother and little girl had each other moving forward and it offered some hope.

@ FallingUp
Thank you so much! :)

This was a very powerful story. It was sad, but it also had some hope in it. I really liked the details you incorporated in it, especially about the soldier's eyes. You were able to capture the scene and his wife and child's emotions very well. Nice work! :)

Not a problem!:)

@ Adleigh_Lynn212
Thank you SO much! I really appreciate that!! Thanks again! :)

Hey!I was directed here from comment swap and I must say this is a beatifiul story.I've always been into watching soldier movies and the emtional aspects that are involved.Again I think this is a beautiful story!You did an amazing job capturing how the wife and child is affected by their soldier not coming home.I l know a lot of people don't even think of the families so this is really amazing.It made me all emtional and kind of had me remembering back to one of the final scenes in Act of Valor when the SEALS are setting off gunfire for their fallen brother.I imagined the man in the wheelchair here just like Chief Dave in the movie so that was cool.Great job!:)

You're welcome. (:

@ Clarity
Thank you so much!! I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks again!

This is very well written. (: I' going to continue reading it. I really like it. I hope you get an A for your AP class! So good-luck. In just this little bit, you made me feel so much. I really wanted to cry. :'( Poor little girl. And poor woman. I hope he can rest in peace, and they can go on living eventually. ~ (: Keep writing.