Carry on, Wayward Dean - Comments

Ooh, I love that you started off with Death! (Basically everyone's favourite of the horsemen). Your prologue was absolutely stunning, and everything a prologue should be. It explained the point in time, gave enough mystery and stirred a massive amount of shit.

The story itself was gorgeous. I love the way you used the aspects from Michael's future-vision for Dean. My heart hurt when I read about Castiel and the drugs. The integration of A7X was also great. And god damn it, you were ruthless about the killing of Val and Johnny. It was horrible yet necessary with the whole zombie apocalypse thing.

I really like how you brought Death back for the ending, and also ended it on a hopeful note. Dean's found new brothers and they're gonna go off and save the world. Awesome.

So great, and good luck in the contest!

this is absolutely incredible!!!

The last chapter captured the whole entry into one single amazingly written story. It captures all the emotions from the guys, especially Dean's because Sam is now being trapped inside his own body with Lucifer stuck with him. It shows a great effort and I really liked that about this entry. Great entry and very well done.

Hello again there! Again, I've read all of the chapters on this one too. I am sorry if my comments annoy you in any way but I do ramble a lot. :p Anyway, I like this story better than I do In a Heartbeat. Simply because I love zombies. hehe. I have to point out how I love the way you explain things in simple ways. I was quite lost when you mention Supernatural things like Demon, Angel, Archangel and Death but I caught up later when you did explain things about them. I asked my sister about Supernatural to confirm and the meanings were correctly informed in this story.

Matt was different here, a good different. He appeared to be the wise guy who always do exist in zombie tv series. After he had a talk with Dean, that is. That's why I love him best here. I was touched when he tried to save Val from the zombies. I really thought Val was going to join the new group.

I especially love chapter seven and eight with Death. I was like "oh come on, straight to the point, stop eating!" when he kept giving suspense about what he was going to say. I also always find it confusing when the people who know about the future don't want to tell a saviour what he should do to save the world. Just like Death did in the last chapter: “I can’t tell you how. All I can say is that you are the only one who is capable of doing so." And I'm like Y U NO TELL?!

I have nothing to say about the errors as I was already busy wavering about the story itself. But I have to ask.. Is that it? I mean, you will end the story with what Dean had said in the last chapter? Will you not tell us readers how he actually saved the world, his brother? You and your cliff-hangers I still like the story, though. (y)

And best of luck to you! I hope you'll win because this was amazing!

Awesome update :)

Can't wait for the next update, I just love Supernatural and Avenged sevenfold to much. Update soon.

Keep up the good work! :)

Very nice. The sudden appearance of Lucifer added more intense to the story.

Hey there. Some food for thought as I was reading.

He held loosely onto the silver top since he did not struggle with walking; it simply added to his appearance in a way that he liked. Good line here. Definitely adds to the character persona and gives him a dimension.

ONE
...and pushed himself up...
...He pushed the door open >> A bit of a nitpick of mine: using pushed so closely together within the same paragraph. Maybe something like He forced the door open and it slammed into a zombie. This changes up the verbs a little.

Dean bit his lip, a longing for his brother nagging him from the back of his mind. >> In the back of his mind? This just read a little funny to me.

TWO
...juicy[,] fresh[,] human meat >> These three should be separated because they're building the description.

his wife[,] Val[,] asked >> Her name should be set off by commas here.

their dear friend[,] Jimmy. >> Pretty sure there should be a comma here to offset him from the text as well.

Gluttony pointed the undead at the front door and they walked straight to it, >> To the front door?

the eerie scratching at the door begun. >> I think this might be "began." But I'm not too sure, just thought I would point that out.

THREE
"God damn it[,] Cas!" >> Forgot a comma here.

So through the first few chapters, I seldom noticed any mistakes. The grammar was good, the chapters were fast-paced and didn't bore for a moment.

I noticed a few "telling" sentences, here and there that could use some embellishing. For instance, "Around a sharp corner was a crashed car, but Dean avoided it easily because he wasn’t driving as fast as he used to." Perhaps it's because I'm not too familiar with Supernatural, or maybe it's artistic license, but maybe tell the reader why he's not driving as fast? Is he trying to stay under the radar, or is he trying to be cautious? This might give a better image, or help build his character a little more.

Here are a few more that caught my eye: Dean glanced around for more supernatural creatures, saw none lurking in the darkened trees, so shut the door and replaced the salt line. >> Did he strain to hear anything, but only heard the rustling of leaves? This could really show their isolation with a little more description.

Johnny walked into the room. >> This brief sentence could be connected to the next phrase, “Guys, there's zombies out front,” Johnny announced, as he walked into the room. Something like this might help get rid of that choppy bit and fix the flow.

That being said, I have to commend you on your characters. Each has a very distinct voice - especially Cas and Dean - that makes all of them stand apart. You do a great job portraying the situation they're in as well - like the shift from Matt's video games to real life, Val's tears, the thoughts of losing Jimmy. All evokes a good sense of emotion from the reader and makes me want to continue.

I also dig the little sense of humor at the end of chapter three - "I taste goooood!" It breaks up the seriousness of the piece, but doesn't feel odd in there. Great job with that.

Overall, the major thing that I noticed was some missing commas, and a few sentences that needed a little building. But other than that, this is fantastic and I'm eager to read on!

xxx Bee

This is getting really good :)

Johnny and Val .... Matt's gonna have a mental breakdown...

Oh my God! Johnny and Val. What a sad death. It left my mouth open through the whole story. A great impact and twist to the story.

I loved you Johnny, I loved you!!! :*-(

No, not Johnny and Val :'( why must you make me so freaking sad? But, it was such a good update! Update soon! <3

I love this story but hate it at the same time. I can't believe you killed Jimmy, Johnny and Val. And what's gunna happen with Brian. I'm a HUGE Avenged sevenfold fan and I love Supernatural so I just had to read this. Please don't kill anymore of A7X that would kill me. I cried when you killed short shit (Johnny). Update soon.

Last part reminded me of the Wendigo episode. I laughed.

This is totally my new favorite story :)

Last chapter was short, but the story is good! It's getting interesting and I'm thinking A7X, Dean and Cas will be fighting together at the end lol Sad about Jimmy though :(

Nice, I like it.

New favorite story :) oh gosh please update soon <3