Umm, wow. This was an interesting fanfic and I was really surprised on how you had it switch. You know, this is getting good, but you should add more. It's confusing when you didn't do much in O's point of view. Frank sounded funny and I could imagine one of my friends acting like Kelly. I'm sad that this is how it ends. :( You should be a writer again and write more to this story. I'm from comment swap and just wanted to voice my opinion on your story. Thanks! :) P.S. Write more so I can read your amazing story!
I actually really like this story... it's a shame that you decided not to go on with it. I really like the smut and stuff, although MCR's breaking up makes this a more emotional read. It really sucks to be honest. But I like reading this. On Chapter two as we speak, and I can't wait to see if you ever post more in the future.
I'm not going to say anything about the spelling and grammar, cause I feel like you've got enough of that all ready, I didn't notice much of that anyway, and I'm not really qualified to comment xD I think so far the plot for this story is very intriguing and I really am interested to see what direction you take it in. The characters are very well written and dynamic, and it's enjoyable to read about them. The sex scenes were very well written, I have a dirty mind so I can appreciate a good sex scene. The only thing I wasn't crazy about was was the nicknames for the girls O, T, M. That's just a personal thing though and it doesn't take away from my overall enjoyment of the story. Also the layout colors kind of hurt my eyes a bit while reading, but again, technicalities. Great job so far, I'm subscribing.
its always hard to work out what kind of constructive criticism to give a story like this, but I'll start by being positive and saying that I liked it, I guess. =P You write with a lot of detail, and I felt that there was a hint of the unpredictable in everything that happened, which made it more interesting. The only advice I can think of is perhaps to spread out some of your sentences into paragraphs, instead of cramming it all into the one sentence, and maybe the plot went a little too fast... but then again it may have been your intention =) overall, good work and I hope you enjoyed writing this ^.^
I have to admit that I already forgot T and M's real names and just seeing the letter O for a name throws me off some but at the same time it's kind of spunky. I like how you can already see potention conflicts and you only have 2 chapters posted.
Usually, when I comment on commas it's because there's a crazy lack. But this time, I'm commenting on commas, because there are aloooooott.
I see a lot of run on sentences! Also, you have a few grammar errors! You don't have to pile every bit of an idea into one sentence! That's actually what paragraphs for.
Other than that, you describe things, really well. It's refreshing, to run into a story, from comment swap, that uses more description than dialogue. Because, that's how it SHOULD BE.
<3 So thanks for doing that.
This is really great.
You also have a gift with names. I'm going to count the spelling errors as simple typos~ And I won't comment on that~ Because I'm guilty too~~
Firstly, I'd suggest using the actual word for a number when talking about time or a date, instead of using digits. ("two" verses "2" or "seven" verses "7") I find it makes things much more polished.
Secondly, you have a few spelling/grammar errors I caught, such as "Mikey Way [was sat] next to her...". Your sentences could also use a little shortening up; sometimes they were quite long.
Other then that, it was great. I love the names, by the way. - Emma "Joe" Ford
(Comment Swap) I like this a lot, and I definitely subscribed! I love how easy you make it seem to write those scenes, I know it's kin of difficult for me sometimes. I like how you warn everyone and make it so they know what they're getting into. You're an amazing writer and I didn't really see any grammatical errors, or any spelling ones either. This is a great story, written by a great author. Keep it up!
(Comment swap!) I'm not a My Chemical Romance fan but that doesn't really matter. This is actually phenomenal. The warnings kind of worried me but I don't scare easy. You are an excellent writer. The description of the sex with detailed and awesome. You truly have a gift. I know how hard it is to write those scenes sometimes. You make it seem so seemless. This is wonderful! Keep it up!