Who Am I? - Comments

A swapper here: This story is like it is ripped out of real life, a straight couple, a irresponsible boyfriend and the question what to do now that the baby is on it's way... to me that premise is a bit boring to be honest, I'm not one for domestic stories, I'm more for reading about the complications about finding (gay) love, but from what i've read this seems pretty well written at least

Update please. I just love this story. Xd

Well, I guess it's my stupidity for checking yes for NC-17, haha. I wasn't expecting a sex scene in the first chapter? But I mean, I can sort of slightly critique this.

I don't know, but the whole thing didn't move smoothly. Like, it felt like I was reading "He did this and stuck this there and kissed me and I did that." Like, that's what it sounded like. I know sex scenes can be awkward to write, but...yeah. I just sorta felt uncomfortable reading that for the simple reason that it didn't flow.

Some of your paragraphs are really long. Maybe space 'em out?

Not sure what I can collect from the first chapter.

Aww Shit! Her moms a bitch.

Hiya, comment swapper here! I really like this so far, it has the potential to do really well, why don't you have more comments?! Anyways,only one thing I'd say for improvement, which would be that the chapters could be longer. They don't need to be though, you seem to capture the readers attention well with short chapters. So well done!

~Comment Swap~
So I think you have a great foundation for an amazing story here. It's a very realistic situation. However I think you may want to slow it down a bit. It got a little hard to follow with going from the opening to the flashback to tue test to her confession of being anorexic. I think if you went back and added some more detail and emotion and transitioned from one scene to another it would be better. Still though, this has potential to be super great, and your spelling/grammar is good. Best of luck to you! (:

Wonder what she'll do

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The main thing I didn't want to read was slash so naturally when I read your first chapter I was thinking awe man there is no way I can read this. But it is a good thing I continued.
This story really hits home with me because I have a friend that is struggling with anorexia. You writing is very real, and very well written.
I'm afraid I may not be able to finish reading it, but I do hope you continue.

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Finally, I got an Original Fiction to read! I love the opening the opening paragraph to this, you're a very descriptive writer which is good to see. I love the emotion that you put into your characters and base them around real life events that could happen to people their age. It's not a concept that I've seen / read before which is awesome as I love originality!

This is really awesome, keep on going with it!

The summary was also very intriguing!

Love <3

Amazing

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I like your simplistic writing style. I usually don't like that style of writing but it really works for this story. There are some times (especially in chapter 7) where I feel like things move a little to fast.

I think that you could slow things down in this story and in that way you could make it even more emotional and deep.

All in all this is really good! Good job and keep going!

I wonder why she can't remember people...

Your writing is straightforward and honest and that's a quality that many writers would kill for. I loved the stark contrast of the first two chapters. The first one was soft and sweet and the fact that the second one starts with "He fucking lied" really hit home. The brutality of those words combined with the passion in the first chapter actually made me angry by just reading it. Excellent job and a fantastic start.

Helloz! Just started reading. I love the theme of the story. You have a perfect writing technique... I almost envy :3 . I await the next chapter.

-New Subscriber

Wow... this was emotional without being over-dramatic. It had the perfect level of description to add to the story, rather than taking away from it. I love the character, that she is willing to get rid of that guy for her baby, even knowing that she will have to work so much harder to take care of it. The fact that the baby died anyway is also a heavy hit. I'm not sure where this is going, but I'm excited to see it played out. Wonderful job~

Hello :) Well let's get started. I don't really know what to say. You left me speechless and I'm dead serious. That was really amazing. You described everything that had to be described, her thoughts, memories, surroundings. Everything was perfect even the dialogue was well done. I'm subscribing on this one. Keep on writing and share your amazing imagination with me and your fans :)

I love the story! I can't wait to see what happens next!