The Bright and the Beautiful - Comments

This was a bit confusing at first, but all in all it was good, and I enjoyed the plot line. Good job!

At first I didn’t understand it at all, but that was most likely me being slow. When I read through it again, it all began to make sense. It is beautifully written, I loved how you used italics instead of speech marks; it just made it a nicer, calmer read and I felt that it subtly helped to create the environment on the train.

I can see how you’ve spaced it according to different times in the journey so I’d say that that was okay. On the last line ‘Ellie’s turned’ should be changed removing the ‘s or saying Ellie’s head or face turned etc.

You painted a lovely picture of what was going on without stating it which is part of what writing is all about so keep up the good work and best wishes for your future works :)

You put a 0 where you want an o.

The line "I say yes, you always do." doesn't read quite right. Maybe you need a period after the yes? Because even with a comma clumping that together with a lack of quotation marks makes it all a bit confusing.

I like that he's going home to a blind girl after meeting with a visually impaired but improving girl on the train. It's fantastic, really cute.

I don't know if anyone will report you for the lack of spaces between the lines, but I know some people are super nit-picky and such so just be careful with that, okay?

This is short and sweet, it's not too much to read, but at the same time it doesn't leave you feeling like you've missed something, or that there should be more. You've managed to hit the sweet spot, which can be surprisingly difficult and make the short length really work in favor of your story. This was lovely to read! Best of luck!