Eponey 1 - Comments

This story has some intrigue. The weird centaur bracelet has me wondering what on earth is going on with it. Eponey doesn't seem like a normal 7-year-old; she seems a lot smarter and a lot more mature, reading books that sound like they're written for adults and using words most 7-year-olds wouldn't know.

Maybe it's set in an alternate universe or something. I see that there's a prequel, so it's probably why I'm not following the story as well.

I think you're doing a good job. There are just a few grammar mistakes, but it's good over all. Keep writing!

This was very interesting to read. I don't think I've ever read anything like this on mibba before. I mean that in a good way. I think the chapter was a bit too long, but that's just my opinion. And maybe you should make the paragraphs a bit shorter so the reader doesn't feel like they're long and boring. Just a thought. I think the description could use a bit of work on it, though. I recommend you read the recent tutorial on descriptions. It's posted here on mibba. I'm saying this because I find that the description is a very important thing, since it's what attracts more readers. I didn't see any grammatical errors. That's good. The idea is original and great. Keep it up! :)

Sorry if you think my comment is negative, or mean in any way. I don't mean for you to read it that way. I'm just typing what I noticed from what I read. Best of luck on this!

Hello! Just found this story. Seems pretty good! :) BTW, I love the name Celeste.

I just thought it should let yu know that the comment left by Emotional Wind is a repeat comment. Through comment swap, she used the EXACT same comment on two of my own stories. I have looked at other stories she commented in, and she leaves the same comment often.

I was extremely angered by her unfairness and I just wanted to share it with other writers she's commented on.

Keep up the good writing!

Comment Swap

There were a few misspelled words and I wasn't really sure what the entire point of the story was except that it was about having a 7th birthday party. If it was meant to be that way, then you succeeded. A part that stuck out for me was when you said that math was suddenly easier. It kind of made me laugh. Overall, could use some work. Not really something I enjoyed a whole lot, but keep working! Never give up on something you enjoy.

Comment Swap!

Your first few lines could use some touching up, it didn’t quite intrigue me, but the second paragraph got me excite and I kept reading. You lack some descriptions in certain areas, just remember that you have to trap us in your story and stop us from wondering off. There are also spots that seem to skip as if it was a scratched disk. Read this out to yourself aloud and see if you can notice what I have. Using a lot more similes will add to your characters profile, mention key items like clothing, shoe laces that need tying, the way their hair is done or if their rooms are clean. Slowly build a character one brick at a time and you’ll keep the reads following you. The tone you are using is very well done and suits your story but I would match the tone every chapter depending on the main character’s behaviour. This will make the reader assume how this character feels in the room, towards someone, or the idea of a certain thought, giving us the insight we need to become emotionally attached towards them.

Thanks for the read and I hope you keep writing because this has potential.

Yes…I can tell I keep running into these chapters, but it’s leaving me even more confused because they aren’t in any particular order that I’m reading them in. I see nothing wrong with the writing other than it is a little bit strange and making no sense since comment swap doesn’t give them to me in any particular order. I’m getting sort of miffed and slightly annoyed because I want to read something that makes sense, and I am pretty sure this is against Mibba rules that one story is in a million different chapters. It’s called spamming. I don’t see anything wrong though in general. I wish comment swap would let me skip a story because this is insane. Getting comments for one story is helpful but not a million different chapters, if people aren’t reading all the way through it’s not their style, or it doesn’t interest them. I’m not saying this to be rude and I’m sorry it comes across that way but spamming to get reviews isn’t going to help weather you get 1 review or a thousand reviews the story wont make sense because it’s in a million different chapters and comment swap is handing them out randomly. If I get anymore of these in comment swap I will just continue to post this same message because I don’t have an interest in reading a story that’s not going to make sense. Comment swap is not handing them out in order. If you want the story to make sense, post it as one and review and comment others stories to get them to comment on yours and all you have to do is put the story together so it’s not in pieces, and review others stories so they review yours, not 2 dozen chapter floating around comment swap. That’s when it gets into spamming and Mibba can remove the chapters and even go as far as to suspend your account. I’m not saying it to be rude I’m just saying it because you may not be aware that you are breaking rules, and I’m letting you know. I’m being honest.

Comment swap brought me here :)
This might sound like a stupid question but was that a flashback? Because if it is not then I think that that the 7 year old is talking like she is a little older then one might think. But this was still really good! :D Keep writing!

Xoxo
Kas

Comment swap brought me here :)
This might sound like a stupid question but was that a flashback? Because if it is not then I think that that the 7 year old is talking like she is a little older then one might think. But this was still really good! :D Keep writing!

Xoxo
Kas