Your style of writing is great, and it intrigued me, but your grammar put me off. The title did as well. I would have shortened it since it sounds more like a summary to me. For me, I was taught to never use a sentence for a title, but it's different for everyone.
Also, you often use three periods when you use compound sentences.
Example #1 (Paragraph 1, Line 1): Some say yes... and I guess right now they would be proven right.
Corrected #1: Some say yes, and I guess right now they would be proven right.
Also, you use them to separate introductory words.
Example #2 ( Paragraph 3, Line 2): Well... not exactly.
Corrected #2: Well, not exactly.
Also, you have forget the apostrophe in I'm. Overall, the story intrigued me, but I would read over your story to find any mistakes or have a beta do it for you.
July 20th, 2012 at 03:47am
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Undercover Girl in an all Boy Boarding School
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Your style of writing is great, and it intrigued me, but your grammar put me off. The title did as well. I would have shortened it since it sounds more like a summary to me. For me, I was taught to never use a sentence for a title, but it's different for everyone.
Also, you often use three periods when you use compound sentences.
Example #1 (Paragraph 1, Line 1): Some say yes... and I guess right now they would be proven right.
Corrected #1: Some say yes, and I guess right now they would be proven right.
Also, you use them to separate introductory words.
Example #2 ( Paragraph 3, Line 2): Well... not exactly.
Corrected #2: Well, not exactly.
Also, you have forget the apostrophe in I'm. Overall, the story intrigued me, but I would read over your story to find any mistakes or have a beta do it for you.