Red as Roses - Comments

.... So, I read this for a second time, and oh my fucking god. I thought it was perfect the first time around, but I've found that it's 1342342342343456456453423409897 better the second ride around, much is like the way you feel when you watch your favorite movie again, head onto your favorite rollar coaster, listen to your favorite song six months later. Amazing, perfect and serene and breathtaking.

Thank you so much, I adore this, I adore you.

This gem is absolutely perfect. You have such a brilliant way with words, and I truly adore this so much. Absolutely perfect.

Comment Swap ~

HOLY SHIT. OH MY GOD. WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUH! So, I love Brand New. I really do. It's funny how, even though I wasn't listening to this song when I read this, I was listening to Framing Hanley's Photographs and Gasoline, and it seemed to fit this story a lot. I WISH THERE WAS MORE. I WANT TO BE BURIED IN THIS, I WANT THIS TO BE MORE THAN A ONE-SHOT! I WANT MORE. GIMMEGIMMEGIMME? <3 Ugh, this was beautiful. Perfect. I loved it. Someone said something about run-ons, but seriously, I feel like the run-on sentences really MADE this story, like there's no pause in his thoughts from one thing to another. I LOVED THIS. BRAVA, MY FELLOW WRITER, BRAFUCKINGVA!

I can't say much else, except that you're absolutely brilliant with words. c:

Very beautifully written. You have a way of writing words in a way they flow, almost like a song. It was short, but it was very powerful.

There were a few run on sentences. I'm not sure if that was done on purpose, but it's just something I noticed.

I don't really have anything else to say. This story was beautifully tragic, and a great read. I thought it was nice and short, but you could feel the hatred and betrayal that the main character felt. You made him 3D, he seemed like an actual person instead of a character.

Comment Swap!

Your first few lines could use some touching up, it didn’t quite intrigue me, but the second paragraph got me excite and I kept reading. You lack some descriptions in certain areas, just remember that you have to trap us in your story and stop us from wondering off. There are also spots that seem to skip as if it was a scratched disk. Read this out to yourself aloud and see if you can notice what I have. Using a lot more similes will add to your characters profile, mention key items like clothing, shoe laces that need tying, the way their hair is done or if their rooms are clean. Slowly build a character one brick at a time and you’ll keep the reads following you. The tone you are using is very well done and suits your story but I would match the tone every chapter depending on the main character’s behaviour. This will make the reader assume how this character feels in the room, towards someone, or the idea of a certain thought, giving us the insight we need to become emotionally attached towards them.

Thanks for the read and I hope you keep writing because this has potential.

beautifully tragic and beautifully written.