Wow, okay this is an interesting story! The only thing that I find odd is that no one, is surprised or freaked out by a male being pregnant. I know this was for a contest, but is this set in a world where any gender can get pregnant? Because you didn't tell the reader anything.
Anyway onto other things, I don't know why but I'm finding that I can't connect to Luca. It just seems as though his character is too distant or not developed enough, but I just can't feel bad for him. Nor can I be mad at Davin for leaving. Also, when you say that Davin screamed at Luca, you should add an exclamation point or it isn't screaming and it doesn't have any affect. Sparrow and Luca were having such a good moment on the couch! But the word you used to describe their members and how Sparrow was going to 'take care' of the situation, seemed so harsh and crude. They didn't really fit. But other than that I like how Sparrow is caring for Luca.
Wow that must be the most awkward child birth in the world! I can't believe Davin just came back and expects Luca to take him back! I mean seriously what is his problem? How obnoxious!
Anyway onto other things, I don't know why but I'm finding that I can't connect to Luca. It just seems as though his character is too distant or not developed enough, but I just can't feel bad for him. Nor can I be mad at Davin for leaving.
Also, when you say that Davin screamed at Luca, you should add an exclamation point or it isn't screaming and it doesn't have any affect.
Sparrow and Luca were having such a good moment on the couch! But the word you used to describe their members and how Sparrow was going to 'take care' of the situation, seemed so harsh and crude. They didn't really fit. But other than that I like how Sparrow is caring for Luca.
Wow that must be the most awkward child birth in the world! I can't believe Davin just came back and expects Luca to take him back! I mean seriously what is his problem? How obnoxious!