You Don't Really Wanna Get Inside My Head - Comments

To effing cute! I love it!

Please update soon! I'm down on my knees begging you please

Thank you for your feedback! I know I made a lot of mistakes it's really late and i'm like half asleep haha

Ohh I like this a lot already and I love that it's about Phil c:

I do have a couple pointers and tips for you (strictly for constructive criticism)

For professional reasons, the title should not be in all lower-case. It should be instead written 'You Don't Really Wanna Get Inside My Head', or (really the way I would personally word it) 'You Really Don't Want to Get Inside My Head'

The problems with lack of capitalization carries on through the story, which makes it look unprofessional. The summary is probably the only big, major flaw with that seeing as none of if it capitalized. Remember that proper nouns/beginning letters in the first word in sentences/I should be capitalized.

The paragraphing for this story is very crowded. I would suggest spacing out the story more and having more than just one of two huge paragraphs. A tip for decided when to make a new paragraph is continue a paragraph only if it continues with the same idea as the rest of the paragraph. As soon as you see the paragraph taking on a new idea, make a new paragraph.
Also, you start a new paragraph for every new piece of dialogue. Take from Marley's point of view of the first chapter it should be instead written as so (all tips are written in parentheses) :
"Wake up Marley, we're gonna be late for warped tour," my friend Kathrine (this is a good was of introducing a new character) said, waking me up.
"Katherine, it's 4:30 a.m. we don't leave for another 3 hours." I said, annoyed.
--
More for the set-up of the story, I wouldn't continue splitting chapters into two different points of view. I would try to stick with one point of view for either Phil or Marley. If having two points of views is an idea that you've already committed to, than I would try to split it into two chapters or make both points of views longer at the least.

The overall content of the story is pretty well written, but chapters should typically be longer. There should be more description, actions, character study, or just overall plot development.

Happy writing! c: