Father to Daughter - Comments

I'm interested to see where this is going because the summary said that the mother died, but right now it appears s though its being told from the mother's perspective so I'm interesting in seeing if there will be a point of view switch. The only thing I noticed is that they said "baby" or "baby girl" a lot. It seemed like every time either of them spoke, one of those was coming out of their mouths. I know that is sometimes how you talk to kids, but every having it in every sentence seemed a bit much. Other than that, this is good so far!

i really like where this concept is going, you never see a story that will show a father raising his child. Its always mom struggling and dad is gone. This will be a nice change. Please update soon:)

The idea of magicians and witches, dragons and griffins, angels and demons, had to come from somewhere. The ability to change shape, destroy mountains, fly without a machine’s helping hand, is nothing but an idea to humans, a myth enjoyed by many. But in actual fact, it has been done before. Creatures with the figure of a human cover the world, feeding the lives on any mortal that may past them during lunch. Adolf Hitler knew about them, but his ignorance lead him to believe that only Jewish people where not human. World War II was nothing more than a major cover up created by the creatures to keep us on reality and away from them. A secret government was create and rules were supplied to their own to help the prevention of another war that could exterminate their kind. Any creature who defies their government, will be put to death immediately.

This is amazing! I love the characters and the little girl sounds adorable! Your writing is great! You have a lot of talent! I only saw a few minor mistakes, but overall it was amazing! About layouts: I'm not the best at layouts, but I do okay. I could help you figure out how to create your own or do it for you. :)

I came from Comment Swap and you have definitely turned me into a loyal reader! Subscribing! :) Keep writing!

I like the idea for this story. When I read the summary, I immediately felt kind of sad as I started reading, knowing she was going to die. Especially seeing how happy they were together. The grammar and everything looks pretty good, all I have to say is try and expand or join your shorter sentences. Having a lot of short sentences in a row sets a kind of hurried tone, especially when you're trying to describe something. I'm not sure if that makes sense...

Anyway, I like it so far, and I hope you continue! Good luck with your future writing.

I still really like it. And a little thing, when Abii is talking to Jason, there's a small typo. It should be“You are a really good father.” but you put go instead of good. Other than that it's all good :)

I really like the topic, it's not like the usual romance topic that floods the story page on Mibba. So far, pretty good. I hope you decide to continue the story to the end and update soon.
:)