You Can't Hide - Comments

Comment Swap- I just love the way you write, its so detailed and so nice the way it flows. The first encounter between Dan and Teaghan I really enjoyed and kept me reading the entire time. Every sentence sets a scene and makes it easy for me to form it in my mind so great job!!!

Comment Swap: I started reading this on my phone so I couldn't look at the characters but now I'm on my laptop. I have been subscribed to Dan on youtube for quite a while :)
Anyway, I really like this story so far. I don't want the ex to come back :( I don't want him to hurt Teaghan again, or Dan :( I think Dan should kill Dylan! But yeah. I'm so glad I was given this story, I'll definitely be subscribing to this! I can't wait to see what you do with this!

P.S If you like Brendon Urie you should check my story out.. It's just getting started but I have some awesome idea's for it! <3

Comment Swap: I really enjoyed the setup in the first paragraph. I think it perfectly set up the situation of wanting to be hidden, a feeling that was further highlighted in the second paragraph when the main character is revealed to be self-conscious, perhaps no so much for being American as for not being recognized by the stalker. So, well done! I also wonder if you were typing this in a Starbucks? :D
One part that didn't quite make sense is how Dan was able to know Teaghan was American based on her voice, since she hadn't spoken yet (I think?).
As for the pacing, you're right. It is a bit fast. But I think it only happens when Dan asks if he did something wrong. Before that, the pacing was rather nice. Afterwards, it was more like, why are you so close already.
Anyways, I liked the ending as well. A good setup for future chapters. All in all, I found the first chapter an enjoyable read. Based on the comments, it seems this is a fanfic but I think you introduce the characters with enough detail that they could be original characters. Good job and keep it up! Cheers!

This is a fanfic? I had no idea until I read that author's note. This story is okay. I liked it in short reading bursts. The relationship between Dan and Teaghan felt a little forced. I can see why you want a relationship building bond. Try giving them a mutual hobby or like with which they can bond.

Here from comment swap: At first I wasn't sure if this was a fan fiction since I'm not familiar with this fandom but once I read the first chapter I felt lured into the story and wanting to know more about Teaghan and her background. I like the mystery in this and your writing style, very descriptive. From what I've read I really like the story idea and will be subscribing/recommending this story! Interested in seeing more :)

While I'm unsure what the fandom you're shipping is, I'm very impressed with your writing style. The relationship dynamic is very complex and it seems very original which is rare these days. I'd love to read more. Also, please don't hate me for not recognizing the fandom.

i really like this story c:

This story seems pretty original to me; I mean, I haven't seen a fan fiction where he's not with Phil which is good, do about building Dan's & Teaghan's relationship....hmmmm...I honestly don't know how else to build it besides a clichè getting-to-know-each-other-by-hanging-out way.
This is really a fantastic story & I can't wait to read more :)

This story is pretty original, I don't think I've ever seen a fan fiction about Dan Howell. I used to watch his youtube videos all the time. I think I might go watch some later, actually. Anyways, this story is really well written. I don't think it's too rushed, I like it. I'll be waiting for an update c:

I fell in love with this story!!!!!! :D pleaseeeee update soon <3

ERMEHGERD pleasse update its really good

Comment swap has brought me here. I've only read the first chapter but I still think it is going good. I'm not familiar with this guy but I just kind of read it like an orginial story. I don't think you are rushing it. I've seen a lot more worst rushing if you think or if anybody thinks you are. You aren't though. Overall, it's a good story and well written. I'll recommend it. :)

[comment swap] So I just read the first chapter, and I must say I don't think it's too rushed, in my opinion anyway. I like the way you write, it's all very well done. I think that this was a great way to start the story, not really giving the reader too much information, and kind of just leaving them guessing and wanting to know more. I like Teaghan and I think you did a great job of characterizing her, as well as getting her emotions across. I wish you luck with this story!

I've only read one chapter and I've came to you through comment swap. I've never heard of this Dan person, but they way you write about him; he seems just lovely. You have a nice writing style, and I enjoyed it a lot. It was a bit hard however, your layout is very distracting and it's hard to keep focused on your story with the faded background. But, keep up the excellent writing, and I'll be back for more.

I love Teaghan and Dan equally.

They already seem perfect for each other.

And I'm not looking forward to meeting Dylan. I say that because I have a feeling we'll be hearing from him soon.

You're doing an excellent job. Keep it up :)

I'll say right now I have no familiarity with the fandom, but I think in general you've got yourself a nice bit of art here. Your grammar and spelling are perfect and your characters are well-developed, but I think I have to agree with the below commenters and say everything seems a bit rushed. Meeting a favorite YouTuber in Starbucks is altogether possible, but the likelihood that you'd have a smoke withhim afterwards is less so. Hell, if I met my favorite YouTuber (who am I kidding, don't have one) at Starbucks, I'd feel really awkward.

However I think if you slow things down a bit you can make this into something great.

Good luck~

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Hey, I'm from comment swap :-)

So I've heard of the whole Danisnotonfire phenomena, but I never actually watched any of his videos. I thought his was going to be some crazy story but I was pleasantly surprised.
This story has a really nice plot going, and it's flowing well. Your characters are strong, and your spelling and grammar are impeccable.
This has a lot of potential, good luck with your writing!

So I found this on the comment swap, and I'm going to be totally honest. This story is very fancition-y. There's this unrealistic element that implied there's effort, but not quite enough. In writing, there should be some fluency in first meets, you know? The starbucks thing was cool, but a little too fast.

Their smoke break could have come a little later, after Dan had been waiting for her for a while. Then the whole "pushing people away" spiel. Some people are awkward, so not being all hunky dory seems quite normal. Don't get me wrong, this story could totally be awesome. it has real potential. You just got into the whole fan fic rush.

It's obvious that you love whoever you're writing about, but take it slow, you know? A slow start can be refreshing for fan fictions. This really could be rad.